One of my favorite Harry Potter fanfics is called "Care of Magical Creatures," and every time I go to that class in the Harry Potter game I play on my phone, I swoon a little thinking about it.

This is definitely one of the nerdiest things about me.

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I’ve got friends doing the latest fad workouts and they’re getting up at 4am saying they can barely wake up to get the workouts done. The lack of sleep is doing far more damage than there is benefits to the workout.

If you’re not getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night, it’s probably not even worth it to exercise. Get sleep first. Then work out. Sleep is the foundation of everything

"The only thing I really wanted to see today was all of your shitty cell phone photos of the eclipse!" -- No One Ever

GOD DAMN YOU FOOTBALL 🏈
The best and worst of times

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Scully is once again the target of a ugly serial killer. Mulder desperately pursues modern-day dinosaurs.

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Wamted: Snow plow service for Millennials and those with social or phone anxiety. Arrange online. Pay with PayPal, square, stripe, venmo, cash app. You could charge more for the service and make a killing.

Flowers at work today. I want them but don’t have a vase to put them in.

I am pretty sure the reason I don’t understand why people “curl up with tea and a book” at night is because tea doesn’t get you drunk. Why would you drink something like that?! Boring!

Oh god I just got a push notification about baseball. I just keep hoping it will go away!

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I've got bad news Mastodons have been dead for 11,000 years

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I think Boyz 4 Now should do an advertisement for Chicken 4 Dayz.

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"Just picture me alone crashing 2 foam BART cars together and laughing maniacally and that is everything you need to know about me as a person..."

Actual text I just sent a friend.

In case anyone was wondering, the guy finished painting the bathroom and my bladder is now empty. And hopefully we don’t need to consider my bladder again on Mastodon.

My life is hard because I’m in class and I have to pee and someone just arrived and closed the bathroom in order to paint it. And so I’m staring at the sign that says “CAUTION AREA CLOSED FOR PAINTING” and all I can think about is my bladder 😩😩😩😩

Ugh I’m just going to leave my typo. No way am I going to type that over again.

Suddenly I cannot stop thinking about my next tattoo. I’m contemplating some kind of solar system. Ideas from the internet are attached. Likely the one I choose will be an amalgamation if these.

It’s really kind of sad that when I look at my body all I see are all the empty spots where tattoos will go. 😂

Good lord people. Things that don’t cause earthquakes:

— Weather
— Seasons
— Electromagnetism from the sun’s corona

This is just a sampling of what I’ve read on social media this morning from people I actually know. I know I generally know more about plate tectonics than anybody I know, but this is ridiculous

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