always feels like mornings are the 'cleanest', and as the day proceeds it gets dirtier. dirty with little good and bad events that make up a static sort of noise which increases in volume over the course of the day. just me?

it'd not that I can't sleep, I'm just too busy vibing (with what, who knows)

anyway on a better note it seems like all 9 of my interviewees will hopefully be accepted :>

mh 

one of those days where the constant restlessness is a bit worse. I used to call it stagnation... if I stayed still too long - geographically, mentally, career-wise, etc - I would feel this incrementally increasing desperation. I don't know if this is the 'chronic emptiness' of bpd or if it's just a common human experience. it's shitty because it sounds like I'm taking things like loved ones for granted but I'm not... it's a confusing longing for something I can't put my finger on

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almost worked for these folks, totally get mercenary vibes 😆

omg this former special forces combat medic is talking about his pokemon card collection 5 CUTE 3 ME

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interviewing applicants to my old professional program and it's like wow, these are the type of folks applying these days? how did I get in?!

job stuff 

update: they in fact did not give a fuck either

I start in two weeks lmao

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oncology shitpost 

seen in patient note:

Assessment: lymphocyte doubling time is infinity

job stuff, complaining 

in better news, applications for the emergency psych and the respite house both got forwarded to their departments so

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job stuff, complaining 

got an offer letter to work as a federal contractor... $185/hour (!!) but I'll miss out on it because of monitoring board. sigh.

job stuff 

interview next week for disease intervention position. probably gonna just keep my lip jewelry in because it's the end of the world and it's hard to give a fuck

job stuff 

federal contractor employer: we sent you a welcome letter. do it. do it now. we need it. you start next week. bAcKGrOUnd CHeCK

looking at kite catalogs that I remember from being a tiny thing and nostalgiaiiaiaiaiaia

medical jobs 

also pending: a million epidemiology jobs, three working with houseless populations jobs, two scientist jobs, one oncology advisor job

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medical jobs 

maybe interview with per diem OR-only position, no clinic, no rounding. whaaat

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