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They installed a shiny new fire hydrant on the cul-de-sac but it's not actually hooked up to any water yet

So please don't start a fire this week

:blobcathissing: male/female checkbox
:blobcatumm: male/female/other dropdown
:blobcattilt: textbox to enter gender and pronouns
:blobcatfingerguns: not asking at all because it's irrelevant in most cases

I finally stopped pretending I'm not the world's hugest nerd and bought a paper copy of the MUTCD. πŸ›£

Some Coca-Cola executive saw a college student filling up a water bottle at a drinking fountain and thought "Wait, what the hell? Why aren't we making money off of this??"

β€˜W’ is such a kindergarten letter. β€œOh yeah??? Well MY letter is just TWO of yours so nyeahh”

genitals/nudity, fictional transition timeline, GRS 

A post containing few words but including the word "girls" will draw in trans girls as fast as the sound of a can opener draws in cats.

Now, if I could make a can opener that makes a "girls" sound as it opens cans, could I draw in trans catgirls?

you're spectrumy and socially awkward as heck so you summon a succubus for "companionship". turns out she's spectrumy too so you just spend the entire night showing each other terrible ironic twitter memes on your smartphones and laughing. it's the best night of your life

Does anyone else ever have the end credits theme from Spongebob Squarepants randomly start playing in your head?

[sees a cop] disgusting. they shouldnt be out in public. how am i supposed to explain that to my kids

Patreon banning Milo is clearly a slippery slope, I mean if they ban him today then what's to stop them banning other fascists in the future?

i'm legally a girl, which suggests that at some point i was illegally a girl, which is cyberpunk as fuck

Welcome to Mastodon, tumblr refugees, here's your fursona and a copy of the communist manifesto

Okay but when's International Alice Day?

(It's a trick question, every day is International Alice Day)

People who complain about credit card chip readers are so obnoxious

They always say "what was wrong with SWIPING??" but then refuse to listen to the many actual answers to that question πŸ™„

Get a load of this brilliant and considerate parking job I spotted this afternoon

When you have the opening keyboard part from "Oh Sherrie" stuck in your head and you keep bursting out with "YOU SHOULDA BEEN GONE" while sitting at your desk

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