Turns out procrastinating my move to bofa so long paid off. I'm great at this site

I had to explain to my girlfriend that it's actually not normal to average one nightmare per night

Eating my emotions, an extremely healthy way to do lunch on Fridays

politics, relationships 

john shaw boosted

can you still go wildly viral on here just by posting "good morning, ive gay"

Toilet paper flower is the absolute bougiest thing I abide in life. I will go no further

john shaw boosted

A very formative reddit memory I have is someone who won a gum flavor naming contest claiming he was better at branding than Comcast's marketing department

I know I should move to bofa or something but I'm so lazy

Wisconsin has the best beer in the US bar none

john shaw boosted

And that’s how my groin came to be completely soaked.

Is college football problematic? Yes. Am I going to a college football game? Also yes

I don't get it I've drank two pitchers of beer why am I still sad

Mastodon is awesome for a lot of reasons but my favorite one at the moment is that nobody I know IRL is here so if I toot about being sad nobody annoys me about it

Sometimes I get sad and accidentally walk to the other side of the city


john shaw boosted

to the guy wearing a maga cap behind home plate at nats park: eat shit

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