i've never faced a project with such a brutal determination to finish and as such am being presented with unprecendented levels of resistance (self-made, ofc)

accidentally named a folder "pennyhwise" and ended up making this instead of the actual project

it's been like two weeks so my tendency to dissociate has probably "helped" but also things are bad and need to change so it's ultimately good

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currently in a personal crisis but maintaining an incredible veneer of normalcy and control, i can't tell if i'm zen or freaking the fuck out or both

best of all, my anxiety has gone from Niagara Falls-level roar down to a dull murmur, where it's much easier to reason away

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been falling asleep easier (and sober), sleeping better, waking rested, more chill, focused, creative... like fitter, happier but without the dark spectre of capitalism and cages

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i almost got t-boned by some dummy, and my heart was pounding so hard my throat hurt. at the next light i did about 30 seconds of abdominal breathing and was back to baseline (below?) before it turned green

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i bought a biofeedback device and it's fuckin dope. after decades of trying and failing, i feel like i'm finally learning how to meditate

trying to "be here now" but this weather is pushing me weeks ahead into spring

everything has a point, a goal, some further extension... and i'm realizing that this is probably due to long term exposure to raw capitalism. i can just fuck off and learn violin, it doesn't have to make me money, i'll be dead eventually anyway why not enjoy the ride. who even cares if no one ever hears me kill this riff? I HEARD

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i'm sinking a good amount of time and effort mastering the guitar part to Stash for no other reason than to be able to and it's really freeing, i forgot i used to do stuff for fun

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having fun learning things that you have no plan to monetize is fucking underrated

@cellesink bonjour Marine :) mon Francais est desolee mais je vouloir reapprendre

stripped out the slack icons from the new update bec that purple background was clashing with my system colors, AmA

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