anyone else ever feel deeply ashamed about their perceived lack of praxis?

self-doubt rambling 

how can I, someone who has unequivocally benefited from white hetero-patriarchal power structures, ethically justify devoting my time and energy to anything other than the destruction of those power structures? Like I wanna go to grad school but I only have that option because of the aforementioned benefits (which come at the expense of marginalized communities) Is there any justification for enriching myself off the back of that exploitation even if I'm not doing it directly?

self-doubt rambling 

@chaoticgoodboy ah shit this is a colossal mood

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self-doubt rambling 

@Aleums I don't think I'd be so hard on myself about this if I was evaluating myself relative to others since I at least know my grasp on theory is (pretty) good, but I'm trying to evaluate myself in a vacuum so it's me vs the platonic ideal of an organizer & activist

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