the thing about swallowing 8 spiders per year in your sleep is true everywhere except new york city where they actually swallow one thousand rats

after getting banned i logged into the email i used for my twitter and saw an old email saying a guy i reported had not broken the rules when he accused me of being a pedophile. good thing i’m gone though, gotta keep the site safe

if any of you guys are followed by chrissy teigen on twitter can you tell her to check her instagram dms it’s legit important lol

retweeting someone else’s nudes is the wildest shit in the world to me

i haven’t smoked a cig in over 24 hours and i feel like yelling at someone

ate too much fiber yesterday cuz of all the spaghetti (it had fiber in it)

i assume this is for telling brian krassenstein i was gonna jack off to his drawing of robert mueller. i apologize

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ran out of cigs at 8 and can’t sleep time to wash my face

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