passing this account over to the real dril now so if it becomes a feet blog its not my fault

guys think if they squat my user name on emerging social media platforms ill give them $1000 for it , instead of just calling them a Bitch

i wish i had my baby teeth back. those were the good 90s teeth

another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

*circles "become gay" on a whiteboard*

see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the fuck out of my office

oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way,

LOVER UNBUTTONS MY PANTS AND SEES THE ANKH LOOPED AROUND MY COCK. SHE LOOKS UP AT ME, BUT ITS TOO LATE. IM ALREADY HOLLERIN ABOUT THE ANUBIS

THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.
ME: I agree

ME: please show me my friends posts in the order that they were made
COMPUTER: thats too hard. heres everybodys posts all at once. Do you like this

it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again

big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck

Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
Twitter alternatives $3,600
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron"

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