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They used to make no-run contact solution, right?

I don’t know who Bob Balaban is, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

jake boosted

I’ve decided my next album is gonna be for the fans

jake boosted

You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s a secret chord only David knows about. He played it for the Lord, and, you know how hard it is to please that guy, but he was practically jizzing his shorts over it!

jake boosted

I’m one of those guys who actually believes the settings on the washing machine make any difference

For some people, the funniest thing you could do is walk around naked, except for a diapee, and for some people that’s the sexiest thing you could do.

Don’t like the way I wrote this. What I meant was “Of course the Party of Not Being Racist is racistly ignoring a black progressive man, and it’s extremely obvious why they’re doing it this year, after wasting everyone’s time last cycle.”

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It is so funny to see national Dems ignore the Kentucky Senate race this year after they went apeshit last cycle, when a worse candidate was running against the most entrenched man in modern American politics. And, yes, of course, the challenger this time is a black man.

I’ve decided my next album is gonna be for the fans

jake boosted

Any time someone mentions the movie Tick Tick Boom, I hear it to the tune of Click Click Boom by Saliva. There is nothing I can do to stop this from happening

I guess, push comes to shove, I don’t even know what a carrot flower is

I had this whole post planned out about, like, “tired: king of knives wired: king of wives,” but, come to find out, it’s not king of knives, it’s king of swords :/

Mom has introduced me to “linen britches winter”

You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s a secret chord only David knows about. He played it for the Lord, and, you know how hard it is to please that guy, but he was practically jizzing his shorts over it!

jake boosted

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