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been feeding my roommates turtle while he is away and i do not trust this turtle, he tries to squirm around when i feed him his dirt pellets and looks at me in a disrespectful manner. you dont pay rent here you cant treat me like this

i met a piggie yesterday but he was the good kind without a gun and badge

I don't think you understand. I would indeed download a car. I don't even drive. I'd download a car just to spite the system. Fuck you, I'm gay.

Just got off my shift at the Crushin’ Puss Factory, anybody know any good spots to crush some more puss

*mambo no. 5 melody plays*

one
two
three four five
do you ever think about how you're gonna die

I know I've said this before but I'm a public defender and sometimes I deal with a DA who makes me want to rip my hair out so anyway at least I can come home and talk to my cat like a baby while she chews on my hand

Marie Kondo: does this item bring you joy
me: does it bring me what

Pro cyclists 🤝 People with anxiety
Moving your legs constantly at work

my dad took us to Disney world for xmas because he clearly hates us and I didnt get to hang out with his huge dog but he did have a dog cam to check on her

fuck i just impulse bought the most incredibly shirt im screaming

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