Pinned toot
Pinned toot

you know if someone ever told little 12 year old me im gonna start farting out horrible texts at ass o clock i'd first of all kill them

Pinned toot

instead of "i like your shoelaces" we should say "can you pass me the leafy water" and someone has to say "from the bong?" and then by custom, the other person has to shoot them dead on the spot

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Pinned toot

A cold wind blows through the prairie as the sun reaches the height of its summit. It’s almost high noon, and there’s just one other person standing opposite of me. We both have a gun at our hip, and hats obscuring our face. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us, so we take ten spaces for the duel.

I take off my hat. He does the same. And underneath, we both have one glowing blue eye, and a skeletal body.

“No doubles.”

We fire.

No offense the me of two months ago during the golden age of mastodon is funnier than I shall ever be

i forgot what was the name for a second presidential term so instead my unironic thought to compensate was "late game obama" and i think this is the point where i need to pass out

getting a smart fridge so that amazon knows when i eat a whole half gallon of ice cream in a sitting

Discord dead we have to communicate exclusively through toots now

the discourse of the day is bao is a stellar short film and if you think otherwise i Will steal your joints

when i finally pop out into my true form, then you will all see

i forgot what was the name for a second presidential term so instead my unironic thought to compensate was "late game obama" and i think this is the point where i need to pass out

i kin me being gone for one day and seeing everyone suddenly on berries what even happened man im half asleep still

i wish my brain would stop playing tiktok cringe compilations but instead of tiktok its every single embarrassing thing i ever did in my life

“Children...I don’t feel so good” *fizzles into snow*

*pours Whole Cummies into my morning coffee* I just think 2% Cummies is unnatural

i'm still trying to figure out how mastodon works, here's a pic of my chicken. his name is henrietta.

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