Pinned toot

bon iver plays in the background. my tears make the bread soggy

Important historical fact Show more

Sometimes when two people really love each other they show that love by gifting breaded fish substitute.

$0.89 per pound right now buy now

I just burned more calories chewing these chicken fingers then I’m gonna get out of them.

Don’t make the same mistake I made.

Buy breaded fish substitute now.

The amazon logo looks like a dick.

Our logo is not a dick.

Buy now

Everyone enjoys real fish now and then. But have you ever considered the move to fake fish? In the next series of toots we’ll be exploring the Total Cost of Ownership of breaded fish substitute vs real fish.

Buy now

Breaded fish substitute does not require flash player.

Buy now

You don’t know if the baby is yours.

You should have substituted breaded fish.

Buy now

At the job interview. You have nothing to offer.

Next time bring your favorite breaded fish and NAIL that shit!

🍞(🐠=💩)

Insane fucking inside Show more

When you’re in the club without the pants (again). You know security is on the way. You know those meat heads like that fish tho.

When seconds count you’ve got to huck that fake fish right to the left. (as a distraction. Abort toot buy now

When you’re in the club and you need a differentiator:

Reach for the fish. Always breaded, always fake.

Always real. Buy now.

In the future autonomous drones circle your neighborhood looking for signs of food production. Any offenders are disappeared by autonomous police officers.

Some were smart. They saw it coming. Others? Not as smart. Now they eat the rations and keep their heads down.

You? You stocked up on breaded fish substitute ahead of time.

No rations necessary life is good.

Buy now $0.37 per oz

@ferris what a let down this was stupid who is responsible for this

There. In the single frame. Is the most anticlimactic toot in the history of all toots.

It is our logo. Illegally obtained from google images. It is fake fish with bread on top and around the sides too.

It is breaded fish substitute.

@ferris below the monitor a team works feverishly to review the cargo manifest.

“What the FUCK Jenkins?!” the supervisor screams through the loud speakers. “If you got fake fish again I swear to FUCKiNG god I’m gonna come down there...” his voice trails off.

Silence.

On the monitor the replay stops, frozen on a single frame.

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