Pinned toot

bon iver plays in the background. my tears make the bread soggy

@ferris I just keep on slamming those hot dogs into my face and this yacht just keeps on floating

If you give a mouse a cookie, you better check for fleas cause they have plague

Attention: Taco Bell no longer has those gross French fry things

Looking down through my standing desk onto my not standing desk. That’s fucked up.

Just like fake fish buy now toot now

It is 2020. Hillary Clinton has beaten Donald Trump in a landslide. Millions of Trump voters line up to be sent to prison. Then, suddenly, millions of Clinton voters are also sent to prison. Clinton's biggest donors, the private prison industry, take off Clinton's mask to reveal a robot they programmed.

Me, through tears: "Send me to be with Seth Rich, please"

Sick of eating ass? Show more

Important financial advice Show more

Important financial advice Show more

Mercury got you down?

There’s no heavy metals between our buns - buy now $0.47 / oz

Trying to hide something?

Shove that shit in some fake fish. No one wants to look there.

$0.38 / lb

Todd chose real fish. And we all see what happened.

Support transparency Show more

There are so many communists on mastodon. You all must be so hungry.

I have the answer, and it’s breaded. Not that free commie bread either. It’s real bread made from wheat and harvested by cheap illegal labor.

Breaded fish substitute is $0.79 per pound right now today only. Mention marx for a surprise discount

You’re horny, it’s Saturday night, everyone is dancing.

You’re on fire, everyone is watching. They’re watching you and you know why you love why.

But there’s one thing.

Is it fish or was it not? Was it? You don’t know you’re gyrating. It doesn’t matter because you Are now.

It’s the same thing. But if it was not then it is fish substitute toot now

Show more

Follow friends and discover new ones. Publish anything you want: links, pictures, text, video. This server is run by the main developers of the Mastodon project. Everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!