I've heard bisexual people refer to the problem of "bi erasure" as just being the problem of a specific subgroup of LGBT+ people not feeling included in the community. It's not, and I am repeatedly surprised by the extent to which some bisexual people can minimise the dangers they face -- more to the point, that bisexual women face -- as a specific group.

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Bisexual people make up the majority of LGBT+ people.

If you're bi and you feel out of place in the LGBT+ community, you feel like you're appropriating a struggle which is not your own. Remember that you are the very opposite of alone.

Important discussion of bi erasure - CW: sexual assault, stalking, abuse 

LGBT+ communities have always been a constantly changing and rapidly evolving, multi-headed beast, because we have to respond to constantly changing modes of oppression.

To a great extent, I think that, because of institutions such as Pride, the current community is living in the shadow of a very different time. Not only are the conditions of LGBT+ people different from what they were in the 70's and 80's, most of these people aren't part of our community anymore, because they were murdered.

Our community has grown more atomised, in response to the recognition of the wide spectrum of our struggles. When we were the target of a full-scale genocide, which affected the majority of LGBT+ people, our alliance was at its most natural, because what we were fighting and how we were fighting it was the same.

Today, the difference in struggles between trans, nonbinary, lesbian, gay, bi (and more) people are more apparent because we don't have such an easily identifiable common enemy.

Nonetheless the experience of so often being the other of society does unify us. Because we are defined by our difference from an artificially constructed mainstream, we can and should recognise and cherish the differences among our own kind.

Bisexual people should not feel like they don't belong in the LGBT+ community because they are different. It is precisely because they are different that they belong there.

@garfiald I think my problem with not feeling like a part of the community was that it took me way too long to realize I was bi.

Like, I was married and pregnant before the light clicked. So now I just feel like I’m some weird random lgbt+ adjacent person.

@dollhaus I feel very much the same way, I think this is very common

@garfiald yeah. And then only learning about demisexuality as a thing the last couple months certainly helped me figure out why it took so long to figure it out.

Basically we need to teach a wider spectrum of sexualities than gay and straight to people.

@garfiald @dollhaus YES SAME.

Well, I wasn't pregnant because I don't have that biology, but I had kids.

@dollhaus @garfiald I feel very much this way (minus being pregnant, of course). It took a very long time to come to terms with myself.

@anthonydavis @garfiald it’s a weird feeling. To like, be a full-ass adult and realize that you’re just know figuring out a chunk of your identity.

@dollhaus @garfiald and especially like, being bi and in a (visibly) heterosexual marriage; my wife is bi too but it still feels.... out of place? I think about this article by Stephanie Beatriz (of Brooklyn 99) a lot gq.com/story/stephanie-beatriz

It really helped me come to terms with what I was feeling, especially this part:

@anthonydavis
I'm no celebrity obvs, but I actually marched in the DC Pride parade this year, with the DC Center bi group.

I went into it expecting to catch bad vibes, because my experiences as a bi person from the 90s to recently have been uh, not good.

But there was amazing support. People in the crowds seemed to cheer our bi pride flags especially hard. I think word is getting out that bi people are valid. @dollhaus @garfiald

Pol, I probably don't know what I'm talking about. 

@garfiald Yeh thats cool and all but are boneless wings nuggets¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@garfiald
In some ways the '+' is the problem in itself. By continually adding designations to the label it has the perverse effect of making it into an exclusive group by only including specific titles. Using something like 'alternate' similarly doesn't work since it implies it as abnormal. Maybe something like 'accepting' could work to include all that don't look at someone poorly because of difference.

bi erasure, biphobia 

bi erasure, biphobia 

bi erasure, biphobia 

bi erasure, biphobia 

bi erasure, biphobia 

@garfiald As a reminder that if you think biphobia is only homophobia or bisexuals are only included for having SGA or that the other components of biphobia is "not significant", you're a biphobe and I will kick you.

Important discussion of bi erasure - CW: sexual assault, stalking, abuse 

bi erasure 

Important discussion of bi erasure - CW: sexual assault, stalking, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

bi erasure - CW: misogyny, biphobia, abuse 

@garfiald I never felt like I fit in anywhere. It was just one more community I had no place in. Any danger I could have found myself in was almost completely removed by me not knowing anyone never dating and never really going anywhere.

So I don't feel like I have any roots in the community even if I should be part of it in a technical sense.

@Rasp im really sorry to hear that. Every bi person belongs in the LGBT community, because they'll have been oppressed for their sexuality. Even if you've never been in a homosexual relationship, you've likely been discriminated against for being bi. Even if you've never come out to anyone, you have to put up with your feelings being constantly devalued by our culture, and with all that comes with being closeted.

you deserve to be made to feel welcomed in the community

@garfiald I've come out to people nobodies cared. I've never felt any more devalued for not being straight I never really felt valued regardless and... well it's very hard to be in a homosexual relationship when ya don't really have a solid gender to work with but I've been in some thin relationships with various genders none that lasted more than a month.

I never once felt welcome in the community I am an outsider just like everywhere else. Far as I can tell talk of unity is rhetorical.

@garfiald Maybe I "deserve" to be welcomed but when do I get what I deserve? Hell when do I ever get what I want?

All I ever wanted was to bring joy to people and.... I'd say we all know how that turned out but if anyone had noticed or known about it it would have worked out a hell of a lot better than it did.

@garfiald If there is one thing I've learned if you're not strictly gay nobodys cares - if you don't feel strongly enough to warrant going through transition - nobodys cares.

the Community ONLY cares about the extremes people in the middle like me? Might as well be invisible.

They don't care the straight mainstream does not care. And Bi and NB folks are left to take care of themselves.

@garfiald @Rasp even tho I know this, it's wonderful to hear others saying it. It touched me. Thank you :heart_bisexual:

@garfiald @Rasp just realized I gave my nephew a bisexual themed octopus. Also I think my niece was a bit jealous because her octopus is purple and smaller #Crochet #bisexual #cephalopod

@garfiald Its not as if the community was there for me when I needed it and begged for help - most were too caught up in their own problems so I wasn't worth nothing over...

So now that I don't need the community anymore it keeps me wondering if I should continue to be invested in it anymore. I paid my dues helped where I could. In the end though I sorted my own problems and I dunno why I'm still here.

@garfiald I mean what is the point in having a community at all when all we do is go back to our corners and solve our own individual problems?

that and I have a firm belief the T part of the equation should divorce itself - too many transphobes and TERFs left in the LG portions to make solidarity a good idea long term.

@garfiald

Thanks, this post and thread were really helpful.

I don't label myself because I don't think any definition seems to fit.

But my attractions appear to be gender-neutral. I'm attracted to kindness, love of animals, and confidence, the latter because I like being around someone who can help balance my generalized anxiety.

@Balthazar yup. here's the first source i found using google dot com but there have been many more studies with similar conclusions

pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017

@Balthazar @garfiald This business of «gender & sexual identity» is weird. Some studies have suggested that a large fraction (not a majority, but say a third) of women who identify themselves as lesbians regularly have consensual sex with men (as in, multiple times a year). The sampling problem is severe, though. For one thing, it used to be true (have no idea if it still is) that prostitutes were far more likely to be lesbians than the general population, possibly for emotional reasons.

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