ill post a hot take for every boost this toot gets

musicals are for rich white people, saying you like them is telling on yourself

christopher nolan sucks. but jonathan is a genius

they should make it illegal to speak english

it would actually be good for ebooks to destroy the book industry because people who read deserve to get a headache for it

people dunk on bill clinton because they're haters and jealous

friendships on the internet are actually MORE fake and parasocial AFTER you meet the people in person and become friends who hang out irl

people who boosted the post that started this thread are partaking in schadenfreude by wanting to see me get canceled, which is cringe culture, and therefore fascist (this counts as a hot take)

hippopotamuses are the capitalists of the animal kingdom

boris johnson is actually doing a postmodernism, which is subversive and leftist


young people like electronic music because they're afraid of skills

the antifa leadership is actually super problematic so lets just say if i see that your associated with them i am giving you the BIGGEST side-eye

having a big dick actually really sucks. nobody should do it

guitar is a good and positive instrument. piano? deeply malevolent

the pope: secretly an ally. the pope is working on a secret plan to dismantle the deep state of the vatican (the deep vat)


people need to stop making "mastodon is crumbling" jokes because they make me hungry for crumble


that maggot cheese looks delicious, id eat it

screenshot dunking and quote tweeting is actually good. people are opposed to it because their actually afraid of revolutionary violence

all teachers are cops. wait somebody already did this one

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@garfiald its so hard, having a cartoonishly enormous hog is an ever present struggle 😔

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The effect of these littered in my timeline among other more natural and harmonious toots is of getting hit in the face with a slimy fish out of the blue.

You are a good for nothing tootmonger


I hope one day you get stuck in a freak storm that rains fish and you look down and realize this is what you have been doing to the rest of us for all this time

@garfiald There’s a reason no one ever made a movie about “The Guitar Teacher”

@garfiald I know this is a shitpost, but I have actually met these people irl.

@garfiald uhh yeah actually having skills is bougie

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