im bisexual which means it takes every woman and zac efron to screw in a light bulb
many people have said this before but "men are trash" is absolutely just the 2010s version of "boys will be boys"
Sara Ahmed has compared heterosexuality to a comfortable, weathered armchair. It functions in this way for straight women just as much as it does for straight men. Counterintuitively, straight women are invested in the notion that their partners are bad at sex, because it reinforces heterosexuality, the comfortable armchair in which their lifestyle and worldview have settled
@garfiald straight women tell me all the time about problems they have with their husbands not doing incredibly basic shit, in tones of endearment, and then they'll also be like "oh my husband can't learn so you need to be patient with him" and then I yell at their husband once and he shapes up 🤔
@georgespolitzer mutually reinforcing habits of mediocrity and helplessness
@Manurweibling parks and rec did not age well but season one rashida jones had a line about then character's bf Chris pratt about how it was exhausting being his mother, nurse, maid, and girlfriend all at once that was good
This . . . This explains so much . . ..
In the early days of my transition, I was telling a cishet guy I knew he should listen more to his wife and she got mad at me, not for interfering in their relationship, but for disrupting their gender roles.
Many cishet women I knew from the before times really dislike me now and I thought they might see me as a gender traitor but it's specifically the partners of my cishet male friends who are hostile. They definitely see me as a chaotic force. The husband's old drinking buddy who ~actually~ left the suburbs (like we all said we would) to become an artist (like we all said we wanted to). I put their entire world in danger but it was tolerable before I also came for gender.
@garfiald I don't really want to argue because what you're saying is right – there's no essential anything about manhood, men aren't inherently trash or anything else, and treating them like they're Just Bad and can't learn reinforces heteropatriarchy.
um. men are still trash. ime a disturbing number of men have learned trash behavior, and it's genuinely hard as a woman to argue with a stubborn man and get him to stop treating you & your friends like shit.
@rosetree I think that's fair
honestly, abuse talk
@garfiald and for a handful of men, trash is an understatement. the dynamic you're describing, where straight women will excuse and enable their partners, can escalate to something that's absolutely dangerous to the woman. I've had my heart broken trying to get women I know to leave men who were terrorizing & physically abusing them. relatives who wouldn't throw out a man who was abusing their daughters. it's deeply and truly fucked.
@garfiald and I don't know what to do with that? you're right, it's toxic femininity making excuses for violence and oppression. women who are complacent in that, I don't know how to make them unlearn it. but complacent or not, they're still the victim there. idk, I'm rambling. all I wanted to say is this situation is fucked up.
@rosetree I agree and im grateful that you've shared your thoughts
@garfiald This reminds me of a thought I had a while back. Most of the misogyny I have experienced in my life doesn't come from men, it comes from the women around me.
Women uphold toxic masculinity and systemic misogyny just as much as men a lot of the time.
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