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youth pastor on mastodon: “you know who *else* only had twelve followers?…”

lee watches a movie where the romantic lead is a cricket player and i ruin it by pausing every four minutes to explain cricket. it’s things like this that make a relationship work.

sometimes i think about what the world would be like if bill gates had never done the dos deal with ibm and, i dunno, beos or something had become the dominant operating system.

makes me mad. we got cheated out of a better future just so bill could get rich.

my father speaks louder when he’s talking long distance on the phone.

it’s pride month, which means your bank is going to be exuberantly gay for precisely the next thirty days. there will be rainbows everywhere. brad, district manager of mutual funds, will be wearing nothing but gold lame shorts and a spray tan on fridays.

on july first, 9am, marketing will take down the rainbows and brad will put on a tie.

just wrote a closure that returns a generator and actually had a good reason for it.

ghorwood boosted

one of the great things about being 'an old' is that you can say "that's how we did things back in the day" and people think you're being "old school" or "culturally gen-x" when you do something stupid, like drive around with a bag of groceries still on the roof of your car.

ghorwood boosted

i copy people's statuses word-for-word all the time and no one ever notices.

to whomever on the block decided to celebrate the may two-four by blasting yacht rock and barbecuing hot dogs, congrats, the rest of the neighbourhood hates you.

the guy i’m talking to at the cibc got locked out of the internal network in the middle of setting up my account and i joked “maybe you got fired” and he looks genuinely worried. ugh.

i love how ‘fn’ is both an abbreviation for “fucking” and the keyword for arrow functions. really brightens my day. pronouncing fn(a)=>a as “fuckin’ a” is a serious job perk.

“why doesn’t it just work?” asks the person who has never thought about what is required to make it work, or even formulated a meaningful definition of “works”.

lol. the government of my province is such an astounding shit show. it’s like we’re ruled by six drunk hosers.

petition to change the expression to “a watched pan never burns”.

if you write an sdk for an api and have 300 custom exceptions but all of them just have the returned json as the message, you’re doing it wrong.

local newspaper’s food column is basically “we’ve fished saltwater fish to the brink of extinction: here’s thirteen great recipes for FRESH WATER fish”.

screenplay idea:
weredogs exist, except they’re dogs that turn into humans, not vice versa. character gets a yorkie as rescue from pound. comes home one month later to find brad sitting on the couch, eating chips, watching sports.

it’s a buddy flick with the working title “man’s best frenemy” or maybe “who’s a good… man?”

me: so they networked a bunch of computers together to act like one reeeally big computer.
dad: okay…
me: and then they ran a bunch of smaller, virtual computers on the really big one.
dad: okay…?
me: and you could make the virtual computers bigger or smaller or whatever basically on demand. they called this “elastic computing”. because it stretches.
dad: sure. fine. by why is it called “the cloud”?
me: marketing.

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