Pinned post

"there's no such thing as ghosts", i whisper into the ear of the spirit haunting my apartment, absolutely destroying that asshole's self-esteem

just a heads up that there's a recent Black Thought/Danger Mouse album out right now

cc: @gonzo

healyn boosted

Ted Cruz is possibly the least charismatic politician I've ever seen. The only reason he keeps getting reelected is because he's a big time hottie

healyn boosted
healyn boosted

i don't blame Limp Bizkit for Woodstock '99. I only blame them for ruining "N 2 Gether Now", which should have only been a legendary DJ Premier and Method Man track

healyn boosted

i don't want children, but if i had a couple, i would like them to look like nordic weirdos with almost translucent eyebrows

healyn boosted

mike from breaking bad voice: you gotta cum waltuh

to this day, i'm still getting sued for my role in Woodstock '99. vultures, the lot of them!

healyn boosted

my feet don't hurt as bad today. epic win for the Daveman

healyn boosted

[Mike Ehrmantraut walks into my bedroom w/ a silenced pistol in his hand as I’m jacking off]

Me: “Mike… please, not now. L-listen, this isn’t what it looks like”

Mike, pointing his gun at me: “Cum.”

healyn boosted

the problem with the federal universe is that as soon as you mute one scrappy Doo apologist like 8 more appear with intricate backstories that everyone's heard of for a decade

*fanning myself off like William Jennings Bryan*, well i do declare this is a swelterin' summer eve

*dying of a apoplexy like William Jennings Bryan* well i do declare, seems i have a case of the apoplexy

every restaurant i go to, i slip the host a fiver and whisper "fidelio", then give a knowing nod, and say, "you know what's up"

Show thread
healyn boosted

@healyn george lucas is my dad and he named me slump dunko

George Lucas truly has enough fuck you money to be like, "just name him Morph Murpo or something, i'm late for an Eyes Wide Shut orgy"

healyn boosted
healyn boosted

president xi my people yearn for freedom please reduce the entirety of washington dc to rubble and institute a communist dictatorship

healyn boosted

why am i being negged by mobile game ads to guillotine a bratty smiley face

healyn boosted

NY Post headline:

SAD CLOWNS
40 Circus Performers Dead in a Madison Square Garden Tesla Fire, As Children Look On
[Video]

Show older
Mastodon

The original server operated by the Mastodon gGmbH non-profit