healyn @healyn@mastodon.social

@healyn my "I didn't kill JFK" shirt sure is attracting a lot of questions that are already answered by the shirt.

@healyn *shaking my head* ungovernable

@louisajr @healyn i can't believe she's just flying around in space like a brick shithouse!

@​healyn@​mastodon.social she's just flying around in space like a brick shithouse

horsefucker thicc keeps mailing me bombs but they're all shit like a grenade stuffed into a fleshlight with a wiimote taped to it, a fake rolex watch wrapped around a bundle of dynamite, etc instead of real bombs

if i make a sexual tinged response to someone its both funny and will contain the implication that i deserve to be dragged off and have violence committed upon my person, thats the secret

shoutout to McDonalds for doing that shit where they advertise something as the Travis Scott or the BTS meal, and it's just a fuckin
limp burger or chicken nuggets with a Sprite.

it's like a funnier commentary on celebrity branding than a thousand Banksies at a thousand typewriters could come up with.

@healyn it was the forbidden dance, and I did it so many times when the cops weren’t looking

@healyn @RC long Island has that big duck energy

as someone who hails from an island that faces constant defamation from the haters (Long Island), i identify with any English weirdos on here who just want to go about their lives loving beans and imperialism

shipping 80s porn VHS tapes to England and saluting as the boat leaves the harbor

every good country music song is about a woman murdering her husband

Rumpelstiltskin's wife saying his name mid-argument

M. Night Shyamalan's "Hair Growing Attack" -- what if everyone's hair growed and growed, because it is doing an attack!