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there are people out there who say comedy is subjective. those people are wrong. comedy is whatever i laugh at

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have decided that the Cheesecake Factory interior decor style is actually an aesthetic named hyper-Mediterraneanism and that it is also my new aesthetic

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healyn boosted

every morning i take a large bite of computer and start swearing at the universe

these days, seems like nobody's trying to organize hip-hop concerts with Israeli and Palestinian rappers, with the stated intention of promoting peace and coexistence through the arts

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i relate to the stephen king novel 'insomnia' because i, too, have got insomnia. i also haven't read the novel so i assume that's what it's about

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uspol 

biden and trump will watch the declassified pee tape together and shake hands #healthedivide #HeroesResist

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recording my oral communication final while not wearing a shirt, as a power move

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the adult human body contains 734 teeth, many of which just fall down through your body and end up around your ankle bones

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Am I an incompetent, bumbling fuck-up who makes life miserable for everyone around me?

Sure, that goes without saying, but this is no time to play "politics"

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thirst trap 

replaced a water filter today 💦

whenever i'm sent a death threat, i simply turn the tables

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Australian wildlife/my dumb face 

Locked down my Fall look last weekend

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death threats, gun 

bad: i'm gonna shoot you

good: i will shoot you in the head with a ruger m77 .300wm when you're leaving an arby's next friday after lunch

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healyn boosted

🎵
meet the mets, meet the mets,
step right up and greet the mets,
bring your kiddies, bring your wife,
guaranteed I won't have sex with your wife,
🎵

healyn boosted

thinking about giving the george lucas treatment to my older posts

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healyn boosted

Selfie/ec 

Whenever someone asks IRL whether I like the song "Wagon Wheel", I stare at them like this for 15 seconds and then walk away. And as I'm walking away, I turn around and say "it's fine, I guess. Not a huge fan, but I'm ok with it"

healyn boosted
healyn boosted

"may 2021: it is the fourteenth month of the pandemic. i am triz, a transsexual who streams herself solving crossword puzzles to entertain people online. in four days, i will be undergoing a breast augmentation surgery, which the state of washington has mandated my insurance cover. i check my phone and see i have a simp request on egirls.gay" - some bullshit flash fiction on tumblr in 2011, probably

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