Bad mental health day, brought on by a creaky spine caused by low basement ceilings. I'm tall and I always rest the pinball playfield against the head, but my basement ceilings are too low to do that, so I have to put the playfield on the prop stick and lean underneath at a very unnatural angle.

I couldn't tell whether all my chest muscles were tight because they wanted to adjust tension on my back, or whether I was having an anxiety attack. There are no diodes in our brains, smiling makes you happy just as being happy makes you smile, and having a tight chest means I feel overwhelmingly anxious, so I had to go and lie down for a while and try to process things.

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I don't have access to many of the tools and equipment that would make this job easier.

I express love through my hands, and that's much harder now than it was when I had access to my regular workshop, so I feel my capacities for expressions of love diminished, which is very hard for me.

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I see memes about certain types of cishet guys being obsessed with tools, and it's clear the meme-maker doesn't understand that some people express love through their hands. Tools are amplifiers of our hands, of our physicality, which is how we communicate love. By building or fixing things for people.

So yeah, of course we're excited about that new belt sander or whatever. For us, getting a new tool is like learning a new way to say "I love you."

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For people like me, when our tools don't work properly or our workshops are too small or cluttered it feels like our hearts have gotten smaller. Our capacity to express love, not just for the people close to us but for the world in general, has been diminished. It's very hard to process and it can be very upsetting. A lot of guys with jobs like mine are suffering right now.

· · SubwayTooter · 1 · 3 · 4

And for the people who love with their hands, who love through tools, we tend to think of mending and healing in terms of taking apart and putting back together. So we're busily taking ourselves apart. Even if we go back together just right, the process still hurts.

So, y'know. Bear with us a bit.

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