Ian Snyder @is@mastodon.social

the birds are singing again, and I love them. they loop in monotonous beauty. the light is starting to grow long and it fills up your heart with so much honey there's no room for anything but birdsong.

have been in a medical anxiety spiral since last night. i'm prone to these, but this one is really bad. and has remained just as strong past sleep. anxiety shivered for a few hours last night until i fell asleep and then woke up in the same state.

i am in a bad way rn.

anyway, maybe the aforementioned breaking of idle social media addiction loops is an effect of cumulative fatigue which will lose efficacy with time

without color, many websites also lose certain emotive qualities? the act of parsing them becomes slightly more tiring.

I learned immediately though that, without color, LED screens are bright and annoying as hell. fields of color provide a rest for your vision, moving it gently from place to place.

in idleness, the addiction loops of social media somewhat lose their edge, but only slightly. it may be a placebo effect or the result of seeing everything desaturated as an unavoidable reminder that I don't want to retread these loops.

update on grayscale computer life: on the occasions I flip back to the default color profile, it's incredible how sharp and saturated everything feels. like eating cakeless frosting.

"I'll make you eat those words!" &c

while reading I have been taken by how sweet the pages smell, so it's at least nice to know I'm not alone in that regard

I don't know what I expected to find at page 277 of this book, but it wasn't the impress of human teeth.

However, I should have walked to the store last night for breakfast materials, as this morning it's snowing. I can tell you *that* was not a beautiful mistake.

I only recently put together the word is "in-terminable", not "inter-minable". I'd further assumed an incorrect definition, a bit closer to "indistinguishable"... kind of like, "there is a difference between these things, but the field between them is so fuzzy and confused they may as well be one". I liked this false word, and am sad to have lost it to the prescriptive forces of reality.

As with misheard song lyrics, sometimes nothing is as beautiful to you as your own mistakes.

i've got more thoughts on this, i've probably got an essay-length thoughts on this, but i don't feel able to expand on them cogently atm.

https://gdconf.com/news/gdc-2019-debuts-free-all-gdc-gardens-space

trying to put together my feelings about in a coherent way. short version: it sucks and makes me sad.

the YBG have historically been used as an explicitly non-GDC space. including Lost Levels, which i'd argue positions itself as not merely non-GDC, but anti-GDC.

it was inevitable, I suppose, that GDC would want to capture this and turn it into a toothless "chillout" space where you patronize foodtrucks and do not foment revolutionary ideology

went to itch my eyelid and, instead, energetically jammed my finger into my eyeball

guess I should have seen it coming

apparently I can also hue shift my entire screen, which is exciting for its uselessness

for me the computer screen is sometimes a pitcher plant -- I end up feeling it is too real and the world around it is not and I get stuck inside. hoping this helps with that somewhat? we'll see.

just discovered I can set my computer screen to be completely desaturated and I am very excited about this

The window of opportunity is probably waaay passed to make Marie Kondo / 100 Year's of Solitude's Macondo puns, huh.

somehow the punchline to all this is the phrase "James Joyce" but i certainly can't be asked to find my way there. connect your own dots, ya' layabout!