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Born in 1989. Reluctant businessman. Gujarati. Foodie. Lazy. Rebellious. Passionate about reading, cricket, chess, badminton, movies & public speaking. Prefer discussion over arguments. Intolerant about plenty of stuff that my Toots might explain better.
So far the experience here has been good & hopefully it gets better with you all.

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We live in an era where the lesser evils are almost as good as flawless, because the greater evils have literally crossed all limits.

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To know the truth about some of the most shallow people & still pretending that we only see the good in them ; for professional, existential or personal whatever reason it may be..thats one of the worst things ever. I still don't know how people do it.

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Decided to stay away from politics & not tweet/toot anything regarding that. Its only the second day, its tough to look away once you know whats happening & that our nation needs every minor voice to oppose some really evil heads right now but personally there is a little less anguish & sadness inside the mind. Selfish?! Yes. But mental peace matters & one random day we just know the limit.

The Gandhi formula doesnot work against a regime of Hitler.

India looks like its absolutely destined to be doomed.

The world has muted India, the dying democracy. Nothing haplening in India will be objected to. People here are worse than ants.

I want to be more active on Mastodon but its tough as most of the active Indian people here have become completely unlikeable with time. So yes, am trying to stay active but need some engaging stuff.

I don't know how many of us will be alive when India regains its freedom. I just hope someone will document the true story of this violent, inhuman regime thats destroying this nation so that the future generations won't be tricked or fooled....let them learn from our generation's mistakes.

It feels so dark.
I actually went to a temple today just to seek some peace. But a part of me seems to know this is the end. The last parts of this story won't be happy. Am aware of it but still, it doesnot make it easier to face this time. I actually prayedto God to just end it soon & show me some mercy.

I don't know much ways to die that look accidental. Someday I might snap & do something thats an obvious suicide which will bring social pressure on my family. Brother is yet to marry. So for that sake alone I hope my death looks accidental. Life didnot give me any real accomplisent. Maybe in death I could do some good if I manage to find a good way out.

Something feels really off..
I know my life is not a big deal, surprised am trying to fight my suicidal thoughts since so long now. I know its not a fight I will win in the long run. And deep down it hurts to face the truth that I might have just seen my last birthday yesterday. Its not something anyone I know for real can understand. Its the sadness with which I will die, thts hurting me.

There is no compulsion to make heroes out of public figures....yet somehow people feel obligated to find a role model.

Relationship. Not having one ; can make us lonely & depressed.
But to officially allow someone into our life ; to commit... that is scary really. Like, how do we decide that THIS is the person I can trust to be in my life....how much time does it take to know that?!

NDTV is overrated. Ravish Kumar kindof gives them a "fair" news vibe in speaking for the voiceless ; but thats about all they have. The amount of trash on NDTV is very much reaching the level of other "pretend-news" channels. It kindof defines why India is doomed, the most mainstream so-called "fearless" news channel is just marginally less sold out than others.

The everyday dose of guilt is killing me in pieces. I better hurry the process & just finish it soon. 31st March is my birthday & this year, I can't bear to see it.

Talked to a counselor today & actually saw that its the end. I really don't have the mental capacity to last an entire year the way life is going on. If I die, my family can live better.

My days are numbered. Funny how people that matter the most to me, are actually the ones pushing me towards suicide. But thats how attachments work

Poison. Knife. Jump. Drown. Sting....these are my options. Not smart enough to work on chemical injections.

Fuckkkkkkkk this, I want this motherfucking miserable struggle to end now.

Have been trying to get some exercise & get better. But family-time often makes depression worse. Nothing worse than weekends centered around gatherings to put even more pressure on one when life is barely making any sense. Pretending to be alright is motherfucking painful.

Want to kill someone because I am not allowed to kill myself for the time being

Weekends merely exist to make one truly aware of how meaningless life is.

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