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If you're over 40 and don't wake up in some kind of pain, you almost certainly died in your sleep.

The enemy of my enemy turns out to be kind of an asshole.

Sure, Nobel prizes are great, but have you ever been branded "The Antichrist" by hard right christian conservatives?

Bitmojis don't generally look like the person that made them, but they speak *volumes* about how that person perceives themselves. 

I wonder if a remote employee has ever been kidnapped in the middle of a video call.

Once a middle aged woman in line in front of me at Home Depot got irate and they paged "Becky, Karen or any available manager" and I just ran into the parking lot before what I assume was some kind of matter/antimatter explosion.

I once got an email demanding I send money to a bitcoin account or they would send nudes of me to my parents and my employer.

There are no such pictures, but if there were, I assure you the only people who would pay to suppress them are the would-be recipients.

Jesus Christ Supercats: A mashup of Jesus Christ Superstar and Cats. Biblical characters as anthropomorphic cats. Half the songs from each show. In the end, Jesus is crucified, then ascends on the spaceship to the Heaviside Layer.

I just overheard someone who speaks English as a second language refer to their Apple branded tablet computer as an "eepid" and I am calling it that from now on.

I've started carrying around foam earplugs to cram into my ears for when people conspiratorially lean in to say, "I'm not racist, but…"

…and then after dinner grandfather would gather us all up and tell us stories about how during the war, he and his army buddies would head to the local dance hall and just straight vibe.

I'm less "gently sliding" into middle age and more "cartwheeling down an escalator" into middle age.

I'm "I carry a travel mug of ibuprofen" years old.

Every time someone says "capitalism is the fairest, most broadly beneficial economic system in history" an angel hits a libertarian with the broad side of a shovel.

You either die McKenzie or live long enough to see yourself become Karen.

I had a weird dream last night where I woke up and no one had released a new desktop Linux distribution based on Ubuntu.

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