my throat feels like nick nolte drinking a glass smoothie and my head feels like someone used it as a tire and i can't smell or hear anything, the good news is that i also have to fast for a blood test and a muscle in my neck locked up, anyway, i hope this is the social media platform for loudly aging in realtime

j. eblund boosted
j. eblund boosted

It’s me, the author of such favorites as Oedipussy and Icarus 2: Icarus’ Revenge

a monster headache and this pain in my upper back/neck, which could just be my sleeping wrong, but it also could be spinal meningitis, which'd be pretty sweet

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just coughed up what i can only assume is the debris from a late-90s cigarette (winston "no bull" lights: "for when you and camels/marlboros are 'on a break'")

sick as hell so i'm excited about crawling into the shower and feeling like every drop is a freezing and/or scalding needle

thinking about waking up exhausted for the 1,500th consecutive day tomorrow

j. eblund boosted

Every morning my boss takes out a smith and wesson snub nose revolver and fires a .38 special round directly into my head, piercing my brain casing and killing me instantly but do I stop going to work? no. because I want to do the same to employees of my own some day

enjoying this bottom-right panel of late-medieval painting depicting the courtesans who lure you into hell with their dancing

j. eblund boosted

booed mercilessly off the stage on karaoke night for trying to recite rudyard kipling's "if" to the tune of "escape (the piña colada song)"

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