They should make a King Kong/Planet of the Apes crossover film. I’d love to see King Kong totally wreck those talking apes who think they’re so much better than us
The Monopoly Man could never do better than second prize in the beauty contest because if he was hotter he’d just become a model instead of getting into those risky real estate deals.
Just spitballing here, but what if they took “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera and “Cemetery Gates” by The Smiths and did a mash-up? Prolly sound real bad but you never know.
My Spotify Discover Weekly playlist gave me 10cc’s “The Worst Band In The World” as well as J Dilla’s “Workinonit” which samples that song. Bold move, algorithm.
Got my mind on my money and my money is buried in a coffee can behind the old K-Mart
Thinking about getting into insider trading. If anyone has insider info please shoot me a text. Will gladly cut you in on the profits.
If you could make one movie monster be real, which would you pick? Personally I’d like to see ol’ King Kong get into some mischief.
You wanna know how twisted I am? Buddy, I drink sleepy time tea even when I’m not trying to go to bed
The internet was a mistake
When parents decide to name their son Sean they think the choice is either that spelling or Shawn. Few know of the rare third spelling: Shon.
I’m willing to support any 2020 Presidential candidate who promises to force Taco Bell to sell the Nacho Fries year-round.
I keep getting older, and the Simpsons and the South Park kids stay the same age
When people find out I’m Protestant sometimes they try to engage me in a theological debate. Look buddy, I’m just here to enjoy the glamorous Protestant lifestyle.
If I were an attorney with my own private practice, instead of using my name I’d call the firm something badass like LAW BLASTER. “Incinerate your legal problems! Call LAW BLASTER today!”
Instead of watching Trump’s speech, tonight I will continue binge-watching the delightful Canadian sitcom “Letterkenny” on Hulu.
I’m calling it right now: Hershey’s Gold is the official candy bar of 2019. Sorry people with peanut allergies, that’s just how it is.
2018 year in review:- sailed the Mediterranean - read the complete works of William Shakespeare- got addicted to morphineExcited to see what 2019 brings!
It’s a shame Saddam Hussein was never invited to appear on MTV Cribs. He owned a lot of really dope shit.
As far as heavy metal goes, you can’t go wrong with the song Angel Witch by the band Angel Witch, from their 1980 album titled Angel Witch
I love the pastel colored Gatorades the best because they make it look like I’m drinking an Easter Egg
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