‪They should make a King Kong/Planet of the Apes crossover film. I’d love to see King Kong totally wreck those talking apes who think they’re so much better than us‬

‪The Monopoly Man could never do better than second prize in the beauty contest because if he was hotter he’d just become a model instead of getting into those risky real estate deals.‬

‪Just spitballing here, but what if they took “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera and “Cemetery Gates” by The Smiths and did a mash-up? Prolly sound real bad but you never know.‬

‪My Spotify Discover Weekly playlist gave me 10cc’s “The Worst Band In The World” as well as J Dilla’s “Workinonit” which samples that song. Bold move, algorithm.‬

‪Got my mind on my money and my money is buried in a coffee can behind the old K-Mart‬

‪Thinking about getting into insider trading. If anyone has insider info please shoot me a text. Will gladly cut you in on the profits.‬

‪If you could make one movie monster be real, which would you pick? Personally I’d like to see ol’ King Kong get into some mischief.‬

‪You wanna know how twisted I am? Buddy, I drink sleepy time tea even when I’m not trying to go to bed‬

‪When parents decide to name their son Sean they think the choice is either that spelling or Shawn. Few know of the rare third spelling: Shon.‬

‪I’m willing to support any 2020 Presidential candidate who promises to force Taco Bell to sell the Nacho Fries year-round. ‬

‪I keep getting older, and the Simpsons and the South Park kids stay the same age‬

‪When people find out I’m Protestant sometimes they try to engage me in a theological debate. Look buddy, I’m just here to enjoy the glamorous Protestant lifestyle.‬

‪If I were an attorney with my own private practice, instead of using my name I’d call the firm something badass like LAW BLASTER. “Incinerate your legal problems! Call LAW BLASTER today!”‬

‪Instead of watching Trump’s speech, tonight I will continue binge-watching the delightful Canadian sitcom “Letterkenny” on Hulu.‬

‪I’m calling it right now: Hershey’s Gold is the official candy bar of 2019. Sorry people with peanut allergies, that’s just how it is. ‬

‪2018 year in review:‬
‪- sailed the Mediterranean ‬
‪- read the complete works of William Shakespeare‬
‪- got addicted to morphine‬
‪Excited to see what 2019 brings!‬

‪It’s a shame Saddam Hussein was never invited to appear on MTV Cribs. He owned a lot of really dope shit. ‬

‪As far as heavy metal goes, you can’t go wrong with the song Angel Witch by the band Angel Witch, from their 1980 album titled Angel Witch‬

‪I love the pastel colored Gatorades the best because they make it look like I’m drinking an Easter Egg‬

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