It is REALLY HARD to not think of myself in terms of what I can do. And when I run across someone who can do everything I care about better than I can, it's REALLY HARD for me to not think that it would just be better if I stepped aside and didn't bother anymore.
@noelle i relate to this so much. every time i come across someone who's doing the same thing as me it makes me want to do that thing less. the more specific that thing is the worse it is. like, someone making music that's good? not that demotivating. someone making music very similar to my music? makes me feel like the whole thing was a waste
@jk oh, Mastodon has completely turned off my desire to make music and art, and is slowly eroding my desire to write code.
@craigmaloney @noelle i really wish my brain didn't think like this, but i feel like fundamentally people only have a finite amount of time to look at stuff on the internet, so it kinda IS a zero sum game. like, at various points in my life, the more new music i've been exposed to, the less i've cared about or remembered it. i can't get that out of my head when i'm making anything, that the number of people like me making stuff is at least 100x what it was 20 years ago
@jk @craigmaloney Yeah, and the other half of it is: what does it /matter/ if it's me doing the thing? If I do X and someone else does X+1, why should anyone settle for X just because it's me doing it?
@noelle @craigmaloney then i can almost avoid thinking of it as something i'm creating for the benefit of others, more of a scrapbook, or an archive, that happens to be distributed to a few (maybe even few dozen) others. i find that kind of reassuring. kind of