@pan yes! and due to this, it should make sense that when someone says something that doesn't match up with your own experience, it's very likely that they ARE telling the truth and you should believe them

obviously in theory someone COULD be lying about their own feelings or experiences. but there is essentially *no* downside to giving them the benefit of the doubt and treating their perspective as valid, whereas there's a huge downside to dismissing them

@pan (i think some people operate on this trust-based principle, but a lot of people have lower levels of trust and when someone says something that they don't understand or relate to, they assume the person is not genuinely expressing their perspective, and jump to the conclusion that the other person has some kind of malicious intent or is not acting in good faith, and use this as a justification for dismissing the thing they find it hard to relate to)

@sphakos @jk

The unwillingness to recognize another person's different and equally valid lived experience is what leads to wars

@maenad maybe they're also inclined to be the kind of person that doesn't like to admit they're wrong, and instead double-down on why what they did was okay? so they'd rather not apologise, and they'd rather not be put in the position of admitting vulnerability or that they made a mistake

@jk I think a LOT of people are like this online

@jk

@maenad
I think it's more that if you assume everyone is going to be full-bore hostile and that social rules of any kind are weakness to be exploited it both means you never have to care how someone feels (because hey, fuck them right?) And gives you an excuse for what would be inexcusable behavior in any other context.

@Ashrand @jk yeah I mean

people don't like to acknowledge that we're people rather than functions

@Sylvhem @jk Same for me, to some extend?
I try to treat people how they want to be treated, but when there are no visible preferences, I have to guess and the guess often looks like my own preference (or the common preferences in my community, thanks ethnocentrism)

@shellkr you CAN know how people want to be treated, though! They tell you!

@pettter @jk In a way, yes.. but I don't necessarily define that as respect. For me that is just fear. A fear of consequences...

@jk Yes, but not before that. Any visual clues like body language e.t.c.. that you would have IRL is mostly void on Internet. Also.. they might have told you 3 month ago but you interact with hundreds of people and you forget.... and you err.

So either they have to tell you every time or you treat them as you would have liked to be treated.

..but yes, if you are told then it is pretty square and simple. ;)