"Trump says sexual assault accuser 'not my type'". This is the best headline The Onion have ever written.

Shame it's on BBC news and is completely real and oh my god what's happened to the world bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada

I'm looking forward to seeing Tig Notaro's new show, where she interviews famous people without having the slightest clue who they are. But I feel duty-bound to remind you all that Richard Whiteley did that format first. Nobody believes me, but it's true.

Update: it was pretty great. If any @GCHQ@twitter.com spy satellites happened to be browsing gardens in East Lothian just now, they'd have seen some pretty hot wet pegging action.

And guys, I know that's what you like.

Kryten: Miranda Hart. Cat: Katherine Ryan. Rimmer: Gemma Whelan. Lister: Cat Sandion. Holly : Susie McCabe.
---
RT @benwerd@twitter.com
A rebooted, gender-swapped Red Dwarf would be the best thing on TV. twitter.com/ftrain/status/1139
twitter.com/benwerd/status/113

Yer da exculpates Avon.
---
RT @BBCPolitics@twitter.com
"If you point the finger of blame at me, you are unintentionally exculpating the people who are really responsible"

Tory leadership frontrunner Boris Johnson defends his handling, as foreign secretary, of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe's imprisonment in Iran

bbc.in/2ReW1jn
twitter.com/BBCPolitics/status

I will give an automatic 5 stars to any show this year that is objectively funnier than this.

I do not expect to give many 5s.

This should win Best Newcomer.
---
RT @NarratedPOTUS@twitter.com
The President of the United States publishes a tweet that includes the words "Prince of Whales".
twitter.com/NarratedPOTUS/stat

Also: PHQ-9 is for depression, not anxiety, so if that is what they used (and from the few questions he could remember, it sounds like it was) that's the wrong fucking test.

Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure (obvious "I am not a doctor" disclaimer notwithstanding) that my friend will have been given PHQ-9 by his GP before he was referred anyway. So the sodding counseling service will already *have* his PHq-9 result and would have 6 months ago too.

Addendum for clarity: I'm not criticising the NHS. Far from it. Nor am I criticising @samaritans@twitter.com. They are also brilliant. I've phoned them 3 times in my life, and they've been great every time. You can also tweet them or email them.

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