𝓳𝓸𝓱𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓮🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @johnnie@mastodon.social

Shame on all 322 of them. Absolutely unforgivable. @GavinWilliamson @vickyford if you had any human decency you would both immediately resign and walk the streets in sackcloth and ashes begging our forgiveness.
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RT @TeacherToolkit
Education MPs who voted 'NO' to feeding children living in #poverty, during a global 🌍 pandemic.

@GavinWilliamson - Our leader...
@NickGibbUK - School Standards
@michelledonelan - Universities
@gillian…
https://twitter.com/TeacherToolkit/status/1319025040302669828

OMG I ... I ... *gulps back mouthvomit* I AGREE WITH NIGEL FARAGE!

WTF is happening

help me
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RT @Nigel_Farage
If the government can subsidise Eat Out to Help Out, not being seen to give poor kids lunch in the school holidays looks mean and is wrong.
https://twitter.com/Nigel_Farage/status/1319172209403961346

Absolute shower of greedy, selfish shameless cunts. Honestly, I can't get my head around the brazen unapologetic dickbaggery. It's staggering.

Yeah baby! *Frantically Googles "synonyms for massive + synonyms for teeth"* #HeckleMark
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RT @StandComedyClub
You Asked - ITS BACK! Saturday Night Live At The Stand #Edinburgh (Sat 24th Oct) 8:30pm with host @marknelsoncomic & Al & sets from @Comedyfox @suziemo @Chris__Forbes @RyanCullen90 & @fredmacaulay FREE via YouTube here http://ow.ly/AUMH50BUcXp Set Your Reminder #SaveLiveComedy
https://twitter.com/StandComedyClub/status/1317548453443129349

People with similar names who cause confusion in news stories when I mentally picture the wrong one first:
Bill Barr / Bill Burr
Michael Sheen / Martin Sheen
Ranulph Fiennes / Rafe Spall
and of course Laura Ingraham / @LeiLauraLei

If listening to this doesn't bring joy, speak to your doctor immediately. #ForkNSheep
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RT @shaunwkeaveny
🤣 https://twitter.com/TomHourigan/status/1315659482161086467
https://twitter.com/shaunwkeaveny/status/1315660098627407873

I'll tell you, 6music. Matt Everitt gamely attempting to do the music news while a small child makes that absolutely impossible. That's what. Absolutely magnificent.
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RT @BBC6Music
What’s bringing you a little bit of joy at the moment?

📻 The delightful Jodie Whittaker joins Shaun this afternoon before 4pm to answer this very Q in his new All The Small Things segment. Listen live or rewind with @BBCSounds for 30 days.
https://twitter.com/BBC6Music/status/1315641735171768321

Seriously, what the hell is "cyber"? It's worrying me that I don't know the answer, because I think I may have had a 20-year career in it.
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RT @Nick_Pettigrew
That Fatima ad appears to be from a 2019 campaign, aimed at adults and kids and not specifically aimed at people working in the arts.
This government are contemptible but being angry at stuff they haven't done doesn't help.
https://twitter.com/Nick_Pettigrew/status/1315597228367585281

OK, so,
1. That ad is from a campaign last year, before the #ActualApocalypse(TM). Which, if you think about it, is even more depressing.
2. WTF is "cyber"? Do I work in "cyber"? I think I might do.

This morning she also did an impression of "what Daddy sounds like when he's asleep" and let me tell you I feel attacked.

There is no greater or more merciless insight into your own parenting style than to overhear your child pretending to be a parent to her dolls. Ouch. She's absolutely got me bang to rights. Flawless impression.

Oh #Scotland. I love you, you know I love you, but this whole "every Friday is a half day at school" thing is a pain the backside.

Fucking hell, Graham, you're going to cost me fortune today.
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RT @johnnieingram
Right. I've had it with this bullshit now. NEW PLAN: Every time a TERF drops into my mentions with their cruel, poisonous bullshit, I am going to donate to a random trans/nb person's GoFundMe. Today's lucky winner is @longbeelad. So come at me, terfs. Let me drink your hatred.
https://twitter.com/johnnieingram/status/1298541771899785217

What a brave and principled stance for glinner to take. It must have hit him hard, having to turn down all those many, many Channel 4 contracts that he was constantly being offered.
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RT @Independent
Graham Linehan says he won't work for Channel 4 until they reinstate transphobic IT Crowd episode
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/graham-linehan-transphobic-it-crowd-douglas-april-twitter-ban-b905895.html
https://twitter.com/Independent/status/1314498839756197888

I don't know how to textually represent an incoherent scream of rapture and delight, but however it's spelled: that.
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RT @hbomax
This isn't just a staged reading: it's a call to action. The #WestWingSpecial comes to HBO Max on October 15, in partnership with @WhenWeAllVote.
https://twitter.com/hbomax/status/1314279704208142336

This is heartbreaking, and incredibly brave.
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RT @ChrissyTeigen

https://twitter.com/chrissyteigen/status/1311517048858574848

Wow. This is ... quite something. Incredible stuff.
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RT @iainlee
Last nights show was pretty special. We went from relapse, to suicide, friendship and then a lot of songs from the cast of Eastenders.

Trigger warning - the first 40 minutes is VERY honest about drugs and suicide.

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/755794129
https://twitter.com/iainlee/status/1311263955441025024

I think it's about time for your irregularly-scheduled dose of the The Greatest Thing That Has Ever Happened On A Stage. https://youtu.be/DnLnW3cJRUQ

it me
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RT @BeffernieBlack
When you’re finally able to message your friends after a depressive episode:
https://twitter.com/BeffernieBlack/status/1311234289426731010

Jesus everloving Christ in party frock, it's hard to find the mental energy to even pull your pants on in the morning right now, isn't it? Fucking hell I'm sad and scared. Wonder if I can get away with taking a very early lunch break to hide under my duvet for an hour, eating Pringles.