Pinned toot
Pinned toot

*to the tune of the Nationwide jingle*
Bigfoot Tried to Eat My Ass ™

Pinned toot

i boost the toot, the toot i boost, upon the boosted toot i roost

I could hear my neighbors having an ugly breakup and when i went outside i found this

Lowly Rob Lowe, Noted Lowe's-Robber, Robs Last Lowe's

(credit to my little bro)

you either delete a toot or you let it up long enough to regret having tooted it at all

on a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
my head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night.

there she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
and I was thinking to myself
'this could be heaven or this could be Hell'
then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
there were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say

welcome to hoe smell gonorrhea

lewd? generally terrible toot Show more

“i think it’s great that no one relates to my content, actually” i say out loud to no one in particular. “it rules, it slaps. i’m actually really happy about it.”

oh that? that’s just my snaring insecurity, don’t you pay it any mind

if you think of the timeline as a river, our toots are fitzgerald’s “boats against the current” and by boosting them we are temporarily delaying them being borne back ceaselessly into the past, thank you for coming to my ted talk

they don’t all do numbers but i’m proud of every single one of my toots. every single piece of shit that pours out of my fingertips is like a godawful child to me, a terrible burden i place on federated

Adulthood is just having the worst farts you’ve ever had in your life, every few weeks, for the rest of your life.

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