jonnyborbs boosted
jonnyborbs boosted

*Me, wearing a bulletproof vest, taking round after round to the torso but none make it through.*

Wow, I haven't gotten a single mortal chest wound in a while! I guess I don't need this now!

*I remove the vest and am immediately riddled with bullets, which never stopped being fired at any point during this situation*

(THIS POST HAS BEEN AN ALLEGORY FOR THE U.S. COVID RESPONSE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION)

jonnyborbs boosted
jonnyborbs boosted
jonnyborbs boosted

maybe this will be the year we do something about the guns

narrator: it wasn’t

Went to a drive-in movie last night for the first time ever. Discovered that my car is uniquely ill-equipped for this task due to:
- Running lights that won’t shut off
- A 30 minute timeout on the accessory mode (and keyless, so it gets to override me)
- Requirement to start the engine after that timeout, which in turn requires applying the brakes and the blinding light that ensues
- Starting the engine turns on all the interior lights

Ain’t technology grand? Next time will take the 22yo truck

They seriously look like a bunch of box kites floating around the room, it’s awesome. Body image becomes a nonissue when everyone is a giant rectangle

Show thread
jonnyborbs boosted

Will things get better?

Please boost for sample size.

jonnyborbs boosted
jonnyborbs boosted
jonnyborbs boosted

"No way to prevent this" says only nation where this regularly happens.

also, who had the brilliant idea to fill every bridge console with sparks and cement chunks? “these’ll probably never explode, right?”

jonnyborbs boosted
Show older
Mastodon

The original server operated by the Mastodon gGmbH non-profit