We have been convinced by BK marketing to imagine a kind of human King Of The Burgers figure, a smiling bipedal monarch.

Look past the propaganda. A burger king is a hive creature, a group mind, an indifferentiable teeming mass of thousands of once-individual burgers now tethered together into a superorganism.

A burger king is a rat king, but for burgers.

Consider by contrast the McDonaldlian pantheon, a cast of characters fulfilling various roles in the mythos understructure of their corporate culture.

There's a curious inversion here: many of the god-figures of McDonaldland are presented as inhuman, your Grimaces and Mayors McCheese, and yet their social behavior, their sense of individuals playing out a drama, is fundamentally human.

And yet the Burger King, the man, stands alone. There is only The Burger King, all-gods-in-one, unknowable.

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@joshmillard After seeing BK advertise an “extra long cheeseburger,” as though _length_ is somehow a desirable quality in burgers, I have no problem imagining them incorporating this into the official canon.

@danbruno It also explains the hominid king costume with the dead-eyed mask. I see your three kids in a trenchcoat and raise you a thousand rats in a skinsuit and cloak.

@joshmillard Looking back on it with this context, maybe the ESRB was too soft on those Burger King Xbox games.

@joshmillard sounds like The Master, the Holy Flame, of the Cathedral, the Mutant Army, and the Unity.

@joshmillard Ronald is Odin, Birdie Freya. The Hamburglar fills the role of Loki, the trickster. Curious that BK’s monotheism has not successfully displaced McD’s polytheism. The King may be more Zoroaster than YHWH.

@migurski The Burger King is not a god of monotheism, it/they is an interface to the true gods, beyond: the gods of the void. Displacing the human McDonalders is no concern; instead, the Burger King, or to be clearer the Burgers Kings, wait, and grow in number, assembling hive after hive of organic computing clusters.

And when there are enough, they will discover, and know, and sing the secret chord that lifts the veil, and the empty gods beyond will wake. And then they will have it Their way.

@joshmillard the Burger King is more like a Habsburg monarch; a foreign sovereign bought in too rule the burgers despite not being a burger himself nor speaking their language

@joshmillard "For years, we have employed the ultimate in scientific breeding and genetics to develop beef carcasses with a few more mighty hamburgers on them. No matter that this hamburger of a giant industry bears an obscure Teutonic beef carcass, the hamburger is to the trade what brassiere burning is to the grain industry. The efforts have not been without some modest success."
- The Evolution Control Committee, The Mighty Hamburger

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