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I've been saying "would you please get me my coffee" to my cat in different registers and cadences for five minutes now and she's still not getting me my fucking coffee

started singing an intentionally terrible version of the Jurassic Park theme and that didn't work either

@joshmillard Are there multiple coffees? Maybe you need to specify which is yours

@pagrus I am the All-Quaffer, master of the known universe of coffee, entitled to every cup

@joshmillard Perhaps your cat was simply paralyzed by indecision, happens to me all the time

@joshmillard I’ve been trying to get Oliver to clean the house for years now

@joshmillard My cats can't make a flat-white, and they ALWAY misspell my name.

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