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one of these days someone actually is gonna have a soundcloud again

if you take the divisor, and divide it into the dividend, and get the answer, and the answer is wrong, and you get so frustrated you set your work on fire, what you're left with is the cremainder

DOCTOR: i have just the thing, there are some plums in the icebox, you should eat them, so sweet, so cold

iphone hack that represents your actual battery life as a value between 1-10%, just so you can feel constant endless anxiety for no good reason

i was distracted when the whole Area 51 thing was happening and haven't looked it up, so I still have no idea if this involved some deranged armed people trying to mobilize a Qanon offshoot that descended into memedom, or was just legitimately wholesome goofing start to finish

and it occurs to me that this level of disorienting misunderstanding about what the hell is going on the internet is just a ton of people's baseline level of operation, and I don't really know how to relate to that at all

what if the only think Ozymandias ever actually did was build a couple of feet, fake up some written documentation of having been king, and wrote a big kiss off note to fuck with people

what if Ozymandias was like a couple of bored twelve year olds

CHOIR DIRECTOR: [under breath] Hilariously heavenly, cantor!

CHOIR DIRECTOR: [nervously] oh, no, I said esteemed hymns! That's what I call liturgical music.

~ Bigelow tea factory, 1945 ~

FACTORY WORKER: Ruth, this new tea recipe is great.
RUTH BIGELOW: Right? People have been commenting about it constantly! Just, comment, comment, comment. It's been constant. Constant comments.
FACTORY WORKER: What will you call it?

THEM: okay, give me your elevator pitch
ME: great, so, check this out:
BASEBALL: ricochets wildly off elevator walls, badly injuring us both

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