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it's Nintendo canon that Luigi was absolutely fucking Mario's wife

It's a beautiful curse in the village and you are a horrible night.

Friday night, time to drink a little too much and stop reading interviews with people who got MFAs about 1/3rd of the way in

time to go take a piss during the commercial break in my *check notes* racing game that I paid money for

And then once he's good and dead and the immediate threat of a vampire getting their hands on his superblood has passed, they take him down...but just to be sure they also stick behind a huge rock in a cave.

But that's when they get lazy, and don't monitor the cave long enough there after, and some wily vamp sneaks in and gets whatever power is left in the clotting blood of the body after all.

And then hides the body. And then shapeshifts to "be" Jesus for a bit.

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Idle thought on vampire fiction and religious iconography: running with the idea of Peter Watt's "Crucifix Glitch" -- that vampires have a baked in sensory processing issue with euclidean perpendiculars -- maybe the reason people in the old days were crucified was not so much an accident of cruel spectacle but a means to make sure very specific people weren't available for vampire consumption. Maybe Jesus was vampire superfood, so they had to put him in a no-access zone.

Astronomy Society Demotes Earth Status to "Trash Planet"

i changed my mind, i want a headstone that read "allegedly cremated", that seems like a deeply economical way to sow confusion

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i would like my headstone to read "and stay down"

but also i would like to be allegedly cremated, so

i thought it'd be easy to pick the best film in the animated Scottish ogre franchise but it turns out it's

*puts on sunglasses*
*blasts Smashmouth*
*writes donkey/dragon slashfic*

Shrek and Shrek

bells will toll
wonder who they're for
wonder who they're for
there for thee of course
'mento moriiiii

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when you've had too much wine
and you drown in the Rhine
'mento mori

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when the moon hits your eye
and you're crushed and you die
'mento mori

Resident Evil 8 has this set of minor cheevos where you have to set your total cash on hand balance to specific small numbers with ones digits that aren't divisible by five. You have to do this by, among other things, repeatedly buying and selling the one item in the game (a specific gun) that doesn't sell of xxx0 or xxx5 coins, to essentially decrement the ones unit by 2 each resale cycle.

If you're wondering who the target audience of this bizarre inventory accounting stunt is: it me.

what's the difference between a detective and a circus detective

one conducts intense scrutiny, the other conducts scrutiny in tents

"i don't have a racist bone in my body" says guy whose racism is pretty much entirely in his neural tissue

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