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Once upon a time
I was keeping cheeks tight
Now they're only
Falling apart
Nothing I can do
Had to let go of the fart

medical diagram of my friend's injuries in a round of Escape From Tarkov just now

this is, somehow, a round he walked out of alive

Jewish kids on TikTok when someone dies: "may their memory be BUSSIN' "

Q: you hear about that monster truck musical?

A: yeah it was written by Sondheim! Sondheim! Sondheim!

popup IKEA shop where that tiny record store went out of business, it sells one kind of KALLAX shelf

cancelling optical illusions for decades of gaslighting

"Ooh, now look at that tall doug fir over there! It's beautiful. No wonder your marriage fell apart."

Christmas tree cutting remarks

ME: *talking dirty to book I'm leering at*
B. DALTON'S CLERK: what did you say?
ME: oh i uh said this novel looked like a, uh...missive that's readable

Eyyyyyy, lookit this fawkin' badoosh!

"Boss, what's badoosh mean?"

I dunno, what do I look like, some kinda badoosh?

I'm going beyond the fragile veil of human understanding into a colorless storm of eldritch monstrosities, anybody need anything

If you want to know if Kanye West has manage to yeet an arctic bigfoot, you might ask "Ye yet yeti yet?"

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if you want to know if someone has already managed to yeet, you'd say "he yet yet?"

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