Two new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet. This week we have a very mysterious flight delay, and I finally answer David Bowie's question, "Is There Life on Mars?"

Three new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet: this week, we have a woman's final secret; a date with John Dillinger; and my summer memories.

Tired of your family? Tell them you need to read three new poems at The Midlife Crisis Poet. This week, we've got evil wedding coordinators, an elderly mountain climber, and the menacing wolves of my dreams.

Fit bits are just Tamagotchis for adults but turns out you're the blob you're trying to keep alive.

Two new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet. My plan is to bring America together again by leading people of all walks of life to my site, and they can all say, "I guess that was okay."

Three new poems up at the Midlife Crisis Poet. Go check it's where ALL the secret recipes are located:

Three new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet. You should read them...all the cool kids are doing it:

Two new poems up at "The Midlife Crisis Poet." Years from now, literary critics will call this my "Okay Period."

Three new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet after a break for vacation. They're all pretty silly this week, but tough times call for silly poetry.

Two new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet, authored by a high-ranking, anonymous official:

I love my Subaru, hate Subaru commercials: "Hipsters learn from a wise blind man how to REALLY SEE!!!"

Instead of figuring out what he wants for dinner, my husband is reading me every news headline on the internet.

My culinary complaint: Burgers are too damn unwieldy now. i should start my own restaurant called "Burgers You Can Pick Up With Your Hands."

I thought I was stroking my dog's paw with my foot. Turned out it was his face. He didn't even protest...what a good, patient boy!

Great British Bake Off is kind of my vision of Heaven--a diverse cast of pleasant people in a beautiful pastoral setting making delicious things, and yeah, there's the competition aspect and the judging, but overall, the stakes aren't super-high.

Why I screamed when we opened the garage door this evening. I just...wasn't expecting this.

I can't believe guns are legal in California but nunchucks aren't. something like 4 Americans a year get shot by their *dog*. I have yet to hear of a dog nunchucking a guy to death. that would have to be one badass dog

Three new poems up at The Midlife Crisis Poet. At the state fair, you can get them deep-fried and on a stick:

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