The year-and-a-half long battle to get my address details changed with #Centrelink continues. An hour on the phone just now, about the same a fortnight ago, and also a week prior. Assured that the changes just need to be manually checked (by unnamed shadowy authorities), and everything will be done in a few hours. Heard that before.

How is it so hard to execute an SQL query? I'm not even claiming any benefits!

Is there a team of skilled artisans painstakingly chipping away at blocks of marble in ornate characters to record my once-new address? Are they at work in some enormous cloistered quadrangle while smartly-dressed call centre workers with headsets and tablets stroll past, saying things like "I'm just getting your details now, sir," and brushing aside tendrils of ivy to reveal delicately gilded data?

Paths winding between flower beds and decorative hedges of aromatic herbs lead this way and that, meeting at spectacular fountains tinkling with what callers assume is merely static on the line. Small reptiles bask in shafts of sunlight from the heavenly crystal dome above, lazily eyeing the butterflies which circle the hanging flowers about the rotunda where plays a roster of the most gifted string musicians of our time. On the chairs about the bandstand sit an audience of headsets placed there by workers before taking a break at the cafe or spa ("I'm just going to have to put you on hold for a moment, madam.")

On the green, young new hires recline on picnic blankets, rolling dice. "We are currently experiencing a higher than normal volume of calls due to the…" [Rolls dice, consults lookup table] "floods. If your call is not urgent…"
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@mjd I have been trying to get my name changed on the council bill for 5 years ..
the website consistently addresses me cheerfully by a long forgotten moniker.

Hello Alan
Welcome back Alan

the council tax comes for Alan too.. I say I'm not paying for him anylonger, but they keep sending him the bill, and taking my money.

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@kat The conservative mindset doesn't get, or doesn't want to get, the difference between a variable and an identifier.
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