keesh 🐳💜 @keeshkid@mastodon.social

my parents are having their first major conflict since I got back to school and I'm relieved I don't have to be there but ALSO i'm feeling this horrifying sense of guilt and I'm just tired and sad about how much they still fucking control my happiness and grip over my anxiety when I'm not home.

I just applied to three other places at home and four places in santa cruz so I think I'm done for the night

and like I want more hours at the restaurant! I continually make it clear that I have a lot of free time and would love to pick uup more hours!

i'm just tired of this since it's not the first time she's done this and she always couches this in like a "I just want you to get fulfillment out of the summer" but I guess that means just work related stuff because she gets irritated whenever I bring up hobbies and interests and hanging out with friends as things I'm using my time to get fulfillment out of.

my mom just yelled at me for not working enough this summer likeits my fault that I don't get very many hours and that I haven't had very many babysitting jobs so now I'm putting out more applications to see if i can get a second job or something

We got on a call and she toned it down and then we were much more collaborative so that's good.

I think I'm going to be a paladin? We'll see

i'm going to be playing a game of dungeon world with one of my internet friends and her school friends and one of her school friends has already started dominating and steering stuff at the like "lets talk about what we want the setting to be" stage and like..... come on buddy .....

Here it is in all its glory I love the gay fire snail it has a special place in my heart
https://mastodon.social/media/CVTW9nqYZ-dhSPDnBFA

have i told y'all about the gay fire snail? the gay fire snail is the best piece of gay culture i have ever witnessed.

i went to oakland pride like two years ago with my friend caleb and we were watching the parade and one of the things in the parade was a large metal snail that shot fire out of the antennae and also had a rainbow flag flying from the back and someday i will ride the gay fire snail to victory against the Straights.

i hate feeling like this but i know so many crap people who are in relationships and its like... why will someone date these garbage people but not me

I haven't had very much time with my best friend since getting home and we're spending all day tomorrow together so I just have to get through the rest of this evening and work tomorrow and I'm free

I feel like hanging out with Reagan all afternoon and then sleeping over at her house is going to be a really nice break from being home and hopefully a break from the bad feelings TM.

Also Im excited about our weird slushie delivery service. Plus she's showing me a show she really likes so maybe I can take time to introduce her to some Marielda :))

I know that if my mom is upset or mad it won't last but I'm real real anxious about it right now jfc

It would be nice if Claire was helping me out in this group chat with my mom instead of being radio silent because yeah I fucked up but so did she and I'm the one who discovered the fuck up and is now trying to fix it but I'm also the one getting all the heat for fucking up and I hate disappointing my mom so fuck fuck fuck

oh my mom is mad at Caroline who is not the person she should be mad at in this situation she really should be mad at me.

He did try to insist that if/when i have children I do the bullshit letter thing too