Get what I want cause I asked for it, not because I’m really that deserving of it

there is a visitor in my office right now cancel all my appointments

Last night, I had a dream where a gangster put his valuables in the trunk of my car without my knowledge, and then my car got borrowed without my knowledge by a friend. To save my life when they threatened me for their stuff… I seduced the leader??? It was weird.

Today I taught my friend about asexuality, pansexuality, gold star gays, and bisexual lighting. It’s been a fun day. 10/10

carly rae jepsen brought to you by y-front white underwear and absolut vodka

i feel so bad for her shaking, girl you got this!


I’m ready to be done with having a bum foot and it raining nonstop in Dallas

Things you learn about your credit cards when your wallet gets stolen:

CHASE: Sure, we’ll send you new cards. 5-7 business days. Oh, you need it sooner? Didn’t offer on the first call, but “we’ll waive the fee”.

AMEX: Next Day Delivery. Bless.

hopping on the new distracted boyfriend meme

someone buy me an electric skateboard or better yet date me and still buy the skateboard for me

America: where sexual assault gets you the pres*dency and the highest seats in the co*rt (added stars because I don’t need a swarm of tr*mp folks)

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