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i didn’t eat enough today or keep hydrated.... depressión

period mention 

lewd, period mention 

on the 25th i still have an Appointment with my old med nurse/counselor. i’m gonna ask about anti depressants and definitely try to get on one along with getting back on lamictal.... mayb an anti anxiety med too.... $30 a month for pills is a lot but i’m so tired of wanting to die all the time and having panic attacks... crying at work... it got worse after i got injured but i have been rapidly deteriorating since i broke up with my ex and finally had time to think abt Everything

i did practically nothing today but i did shower and do basic maintenance and do a load of laundry....... looked at mattresses...... tomorrow i have work and didn’t make myself lunches for the three days i work but i Don’t Care tbh i’ll die instead

i’m thinking about buying a new mattress.... mine is garbage

"To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism." ---Mao Zedong

i would probably be feeling better today had i Done things....

someone else do my actions for me so I can avoid Bad Thought if they don't go over well

i’m mildly depressed today in that way that makes you feel more....... apathetic than hopelessly sad and suicidal... i had things i should have done today.... driving practice... scheduling my wellness exam.... my friend asked me to hang out... i watched goosebumps and disassociated and then i watched saiki k and disassociated and then i laid in bed for two hours disassociating... cried once for a couple of minutes... all i did today was stretches really and showering

donation post// i'm sorry i'm sorry :(( 

is existence just... a deep feeling of unbelonging and anxiety and undesire to continue? is that just what being alive is like?

the reason i am so active and constantly doing things when i’m not injured is because it quiets the unease and fear and depression

me, awake and alone in the house: this vague sense of dread and desire to not be alive i feel when i am alone with my thoughts is normal

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