Are your kids using these 5 sext abbreviations?

ITYW - I tell you hwat
TTMNTH - taste the meat not the heat
PIACBG - Propane is a clean burning gas
BIABG - Butane is a bastard gas
DIB - Dang it Bobby!

Govt secret time! Area 51 has no aliens but it does have catgirls and bigfoot

That awkward moment when you're stranded in the outback of Oz and you have the diarizzle but you meet a koala.

You'd think with the ability to manifest mini Einstein Rosen bridges psychics would be a little less afraid of black holes.

Fun prank idea: mail a big brown package full of loose baby powder with a note that reads: "Penicillin cannot help you." written on it in arabic.

Feeding my niece? Sunchoke and arugula salad for the appetizer, salmon and T-Bone for the main course, coffee iced cream for desert.

Feeding my rats? Steak and veggies. Plus a little fruit chopped into bite-size squares.

Feeding myself? Eh fuck it I’ll just make ramen.

Picture this: you're an 8 year old Adolf Hitler. You're minding your own business when some asshole rips a hole through time and space and starts taking potshots at you while shouting "This is for the Jews!" Now you see why Hitler tried to wipe them all out. To prevent that from happening.

Hitler would take one look at the alt right of today before sending them to the showers.

I mean if you take the footage of 9/11 and play it in reverse it looks like the people junping are being raptured.

Look, you can go to a hospital and deal with the nurses who are high on oxy and the doctors who are one more dead cancer kid away from going postal OR. Or hear me out. You let me work my literal magic and cure you.

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