Savi @littleselkie@mastodon.social

I did a little reading and basically I need to avoid high fiber food, avoid high fat food, no raw veggies, avoid veggie and fruit skins/peels, focus on SOFT food, eat in more of a grazing style - so more like, 6 small meals per day. Gotta chew super thoroughly and avoid things that are difficult to digest. I just feel more tired thinking about having to eat more frequently but at least I have some direction...

ugh I'm so out of it I wanted to catch up on people's posts here but I can't concentrate. I did want to write about the fact I got my stomach doc call today with the results of my gastric emptying test. Guess who has gastroparesis??? Of course me. Means my stomach doesn't empty properly and keeps food too long and doesn't move things along right. Means I'll be seeing a nutritionist to teach me how to eat to encourage faster emptying, and then possibly medication. BLAH.

my kingdom for a primary doctor who isn't shit.

that said, I'm gonna start reading "How to be Sick" later today, I'm giving more thought to what certain habits make me feel and trying to make adjustments accordingly, I'm prioritizing learning to be as kind to myself as I am to others, and my animals continue to be adorable and wonderful. Except Gomez, who is a stressful asshole, but I love him anyway. ... he's still a jerk tho LOL

Really struggling recently. I've noticed being honest about it helps. Being this sick is very hard. Every day is so hard. This week Travis talks to the bank about a home lone, I get MRIs and see a neurologist and HOPE he takes me seriously and treats me well... I need to find a psychiatrist or go back to my old one and hope she isn't shitty to me and alskjdflskadjflsakjdf. I'm just. So tired. So far beyond tired. X_X

I remembered mastodon existed again. Hi mastodon.

HI MASTODON I REMEMBERED YOU EXISTED!!!

I overdid it today (wooooops) and now I am just one big giant sick ache.

I feel like crap today. Sometimes the fact that not feeling good is what's "normal" now catches up with me and i feel a thousand times more tired remembering that.

Going to have to put one of our rats down today. He has a terrible growth - we tried treating it but he's just continued to deteriorate and now the growth is rotting despite medicine and cleaning. It's time to ease his passing. And then give our remaining rat Artemis a lot of extra attention. We're not gonna get more rats for the moment. Our household is still kind of finding balance in the wake of my illness, and we can't add for a while. We will get more rats in the future though, no question.

I am really trying to shift the way I think about making art to better fit both my current health situation, and better fit my values. Which basically ends up meaning focus on my own pleasure in the creative process. Less focus on commissions and mass producing anything I make. It also means allowing myself to do things for my own enjoyment - not everything I do needs to be for sale or commodified. It's definitely taking some effort in reprogramming my instincts but very worth it.

I think I'm able to draw again, which is a fucking blessing. it also means my depression is easing out of full dark mode - art block always hits me when I'm struggling particularly badly emotionally. I was impressed recently I found out my mom even knows that - she was happy at the time (this was a couple months ago) to see more art uploads from me because I'm always happier when I'm drawing a lot.

And that pot pie will probably be the most delicious I've ever made so that's a plus. I will definitely make my own stock again I just won't try to do so much in one day (so much for me anyway boo) I also doodled some of my moose girl who has been drifting around for ages and I should name her...

Well I spilled over half the stock I made down the sink but managed to salvage enough to make a pot pie for tomorrow but it was still a hard blow to see so much effort, that comes at such a cost for me, literally go down the drain.

And I miscalculated and pretty much wrecked myself lol oops. But that pot pie should be amazing, we have quiche cups in the freezer, and a good stock of poppyseed bread (only make it around Christmas, it's my favorite seasonal treat)

The turkey stock I'm making is SO FANCY. I roasted the bones, am roasting the veggies a bit, going to deglaze that pan with sherry before adding everything to a big pot for the usual long simmer process. This should LEVEL UP the pot pie and soup I'm gonna make from the stock I am PUMPED.

oh my gosh the little hummingbird that likes to hang out in our birch tree is back!!! He hung around most of last winter, and he's sitting in exactly the same spot! His guard post I suppose. SO CUTE!!!!!