All that said yesterday, I'm not one to hold a grudge for very long. And I'm willing to forgive and move on.
As I said in my initial #Announcement about my role at #mastodon there was miscommunication, maybe across the board.
@Gargron said one thing to him, and I read another to me.
It happens, and I'm not above fault, neither is he.
It would however require us both to be willing to ask for forgiveness. And work something out that would be sustainable for the project.
When I was looking to streamline the payment for our mods on m.s (through the Liberapay team), and @Gargron suggested that I run my own patreon instead, I didn't see it in relationship to the Liberapay team, as that clearly stated, "with that in mind"
For me, the team on Liberapay is very different than me running my own patreon for it (and especially since @CM_noelle and @CM_chrismartin aren't subject to VAT in the first place).
If he had been clearer maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much.
Towards the end of the month (maybe in the middle) @Gargron even invited me to the organization on Github, to me this meant that we were planning for the future of Mastodon, that I would be given the space to work on all parts of tootsuite, and not only the /mastodon.
The first week of me being back, was a week of me trying to schedule a chat so we could talk, be on the same page. He didn't reach out about it until I made a passive remark on the PTL.
And it felt like that was happening again, in a situation where I thought we were negotiating. I don't necessarily blame @Gargron, but I was definitely upset and hurt by it. So I "threatened", by asking him to not force my hand to make it public discourse, when I was trying to be patient with him.
For me, scheduling a time to talk is about respecting that both of us are busy, and that we shouldn't be expected to take the conversation in the middle of the night after PTL prompt, like we had.
@maloki I think your role is important and I understand mastodon receives less money per month than a twitter employee. I think making your own patreon is a good idea, and when PixelFed patreon launches I will be able to increase my pledge 10x.
Scheduling a time is as easy as saying, "I'm, understandably, busy with x right now, but we can talk this day and time so we can both prepare."
I think that others with me know that @Gargron is notorious for not being able to take the time to say they are busy and schedule a time, especially if he doesn't see the value in the conversation, before you have it (looking at you interview).
However, this is definitely an acquired skill. It takes practice, just as saying no does.
I do want to keep working for this community, I want to help build the legacy that Mastodon is missing right now, as in: make this a foundation (of sorts) so we can finance things needed. To get our ducks (VAT, what happens if @Gargron is hit by a bus, and much more) in a row, would also allow space for more outreach.
Outreach and community care is definitely something I love doing. And I do want to keep doing it.
All this said, if @Gargron can forgive me causing public drama yesterday, and be understanding of where I'm coming from here, I'm more than willing to forgive him too for the miscommunication, if he asks my forgiveness without deflecting.
If not, that's okay too.
This apology is to both Gargron and everyone else, as public drama effects us all: I'm sorry that I let my inner turmoil get the best of me yesterday, and I hope that you can find it in you to forgive me. 🙏
When @Gargron let me write my own job description, while he only intended to keep me for one month even before we signed a contract / negotiated that deal, while not making that clear, it was miscommunication.
I obviously got carried away, because I want a lot for this community. I mean, I even wrote a god damn love letter to you all when I came back.
But it could've been clearer.