@maloki I feel you. This expression on your photo is all too familiar. I lost someone close from my family too, three years ago. And one death is still pending. And I will probably not even be there to say goodbye, as I had to moved out.
Stay strong, though. It's a part of life. It's depressing and frightening, it fucks up your whole world, but it, as well as everything, shall pass.
Get well soon.