So let me own this: I recently got a month ban from a community for using the N-word straight up. In the situation (a quote) I thought it was cool.

I learnt in the process that obviously it wasn't cool, and the 30 days that I was offered to reflect was put to good use, first few days all I wanted to do was defend myself, deflect, make up excuses. And that's okay, but you don't have to do that with the people you hurt. Do that with yourself And think.

Eventually my brain settled, and I figured out how and why I had done what I did, outside of the "I thought it was okay in this context". And now I know it is highly unlikely that it happens again, because I put in the work.

But, no one else can put in the work for you. You gotta do that, you gotta look and think, if someone tells you or hints at you being racist, you own that shit and you deal with it, and TAKE your time, because it fucking takes time.

I'm not in anyway free from behaving in racist bullshit ways, just because my boyfriend is Asian. And fuck he has to call me out on some stuff sometimes, and we work on it together. And hey, did you know that he can be racist too? So yeah.
Find one person, who can call you on your bulllshit, and who you can call out too. Let it be your safe space together to do that, to learn and grow.

It will hurt, but that's what growing does, it hurts.

@maloki I think it would be more appropriate if your boyfriend was black.

@Arilando I think you need to step away and consider what you just said and how you said it, and why it could be seen as problematic.

@maloki LoL

A person can be acting racist, without being a racist. So because someone calls you out on you behaving racist, doesn't mean they are telling you that all you are is racist.

But language is funny that way, so if you choose to only focus on that they told you that you're something you're not, you fucking sit down and you look at what you did, and why and how that can be viewed as being racist.

And work on that shit, own it and apologize.

White people HATE being called out on being racist, and we're so fucking racist that we don't even know that we are, and that's why we hate it. We hate to have to do the work, we hate to have to deal with shit that isn't about us.

I think we are the original narcissists, and it's terrible. We can't fix it overnight, but we can do little things, here and there, and talk about the issues with each other as we encounter them.

@maloki Its quite similar to how uppercaste people behave in India towards the disenfranchised lowercaste people. Ofcourse, they become super nice/nervy once they have to interact with a white person. so that's there.

@maloki

there is no honest growth in a space free from new information

@orangecoastcollegeprivacy And where anywhere in my thread do I say that it's a space without any new information?