You come into my house and you tell me how to raise my cats?? You don't know SHIT

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George: So I boosted her selfie!
Jerry: You boosted her?
George: I boosted her!
Jerry: You can't just go around boosting selfies!
Elaine: Listen, Jerry, it means something different on Mastodon.
Kramer, on his phone: Right! In fact, my whole TL is boosted selfies of beautiful women.

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like Jesus, I "Turn The Other Cheek" to my haters...... the other Butt Cheek!! LOL

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Some people say that I'm not really a mom just because my children are cats and to them I say, "What right have you to deny me my motherhood! Have I not also changed their diapers?? Have I not also allowed my babes to suckle at my teet??"

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The revolution will be led by fucking dorks imho

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Hi tooter I get to share these with you here now but I have this app called 1 Second Everyday where the aim is to record 1 second of video of your day every single day then it’s edited together into a 2 minute video. I’ve been doing it a year and a half now and it’s really encouraged me to find some small joy in the every day.

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Y'all ever just c̱ͅo̞̲̮̬͙͚n͚̞̻͓͎͔͔s̻u̼̳̖͇͖̘m̼e̼̥̦͖̩?͕̝͉̱̣

They just used the power of sisterhood to vanquish this demonic reincarnated abusive (vampire??) ex and now all the pta moms are using brooms to sweep up his shitty demonic ashes

now there is an emergency pta mom exorcism seance scene this movie rules

I'm watching practical magic for the first time and this cop investigating the murder of an abusive vampire(maybe?? That's the implication??) boyfriend just asked one of the sister witches out on an interrogation/date, this movie is very intense/bizarre

did a search of the tl for any Rahm Emanuel content, and nothing came up so I am honored to make the first Rahm toot which is:

Fuck you, Rahm Emanuel!!!!

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boost for "fuck landlords", fav for "fuck landlords". you can do both but it doesn't stack

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thinking about migrating my shitposting over to linkedin

come for the shitposts, stay for the dope ass mental health tips

pro-tip: instead of actually doing something that's important and intimidating, think about it constantly and it will FEEL like you're working but also it will grow exponentially in your mind so that it is an incomprehensible mammoth that will destroy you

thinking about fucking around at work and working on my dissertation instead

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