Loving this pattern I’m seeing being parroted uncritically: “[large corporation] is donating [big dollar number] to [covid related thing]. This donation will consist of [thing the corporation decides the price of].“

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In that same vein, I would like to Announce that I, personally, am committing tens of billions of dollars in support of media integrity and reliability during this difficult time, in the form of however long it took me to write this toot while sitting on the can, a time I am valuing at trillions of dollars per hour.

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I don’t expect any recognition or reward for this show of enormous generosity, you understand; this is about doing the right tax-deductible thing during a global humanitarian crisis.

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You should definitely all be exceptionally, performatively grateful though. Just to be clear on that part.

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