Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Wanna hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind. It's tearable.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

bodily functions 

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

What did the nut say to the bully? Don't pecan me. (that's one of mine.) 😂

I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy.

I've never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

"I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there."

Some of these are like the ones my grandfather used to tell. "This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there."

@cjd Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

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