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Ransomware encrypts your files until you become really good at a Touhou shooter: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2017/04/do-you-want-to-play-a-game-ransomware-asks-for-high-score-instead-of-money/
@mogwai_poet welp my files are gone
@modernmodron Try calling your local Best Buy Geek Squad, I hear they all employ a professional Shmup expert just for situations like this.
