monkϵyborg{🦾🐵} @monkeyborg@mastodon.social

I wear my hair in a Mohawk, so it all stands up, but thereʼs a tiny little piece in the back that stands up in the Wrong Way, and it drives me crazy, and this is probably enough information for you to ascertain the exact amount of Punk Rock that I am

"It's been quite an education for me," he said. "The world is different than it was when I was a little kid. What I always thought was funny as a little kid isn't necessarily the same as what's funny now. Things change and the times change so it's important for me to figure it out."

Murray added: "I think it's a sad dog that can't learn anymore. I don't want to be that sad dog and I have no intention of it."

https://www.npr.org/2022/04/30/1095795255/bill-murray-being-mortal

Burlington NC has a Dick’s and a BJ’s (right next to each other), a Hooters, a Badcock & More, and the icing on the cake — a shopping center called Cum Park Plaza.

I am a simple man. There are many things I do not understand, and not least among these is: how does the toaster know when it’s time to pop up the toast?

Yeah, well, if I had “greatest hit” posts Iʼd be self-boosting them for the new kids, too

I donʼt understand why this meathead isnʼt being charged with a crime. He tried to cover his ass by saying “only after a trial” but… for what? Fauci hasnʼt been charged with anything. Saying that youʼre running so that you can use the power of the office to charge somebody with a nonexistent crime and have them executed sounds like a pretty Rube Goldbergian death threat — but it is a death threat.

Every time we let them get away with this shit, they get a little bolder.

https://thehill.com/news/campaign/3468172-republican-oklahoma-candidate-says-we-should-try-anthony-fauci-and-put-him-in-front-of-a-firing-squad/

The Fediverse has always reminded me of the Cloud Ark of orbiting mini-habitats from Seveneves, all the more so when the latest round of refugees make their way out here from the bolide-battered monolithic hellsite.

Hereʼs hoping we donʼt all end up eating each other.

I mean, unless thatʼs what youʼre into 😏

… Maybe the shit times were a blessing, because when I get to the end I wonʼt look back and feel like it all went by too fast, like I got cheated. I mean, I will, but I will also know that itʼs an illusion and I was given a whole life.

As I get older, my relationship with time grows stranger. I feel now that I am all ages at once, that the boy I was is still doing his thing, just in his own time, and I donʼt need to fear the times I will be dead because I am alive in all the times I was here.

I watched Mod Squad (1999) this weekend because I remembered seeing a billboard for it on my trip to Chicago in 1999 — keep meaning to get back to Chicago one of these days.

It was a very bad movie. But Claire Danes was cute. Hard to believe 1999 was almost a quarter century ago.

Hereʼs the funny thing about time: looking back, things feel like they went by fast. But I remember living through that time and I spent so many days feeling like time was dragging. …

Granted, I know the fediverse has always had them, but I dunno, it just spooked me this time.

I saw a white guy join today who identified himself as “socially liberal and fiscally conservative” and … yeah.

How does one move to a new instance? Does it hurt? Iʼve been wanting to move off of mastodon.social for a long time and with the new influx it might be that time.

Woman with Typewriter: Have you chosen your SAG name?

Young Man: I was going to go with “Bruce Damn.”

Woman: Too vulgar. This is the 1950s, after all.

Man: Bruce Dang?

Woman: Hate it.

Man: Bruce Dadgummit?

Woman: Shorter was better.

Man: Aw, gee. I guess Iʼm going to have to think about this one some more.

Some men just want to watch the world Boo-urns.

I straight up just got an email from Panera that says “Forget the food-truck. Our Mexican Street Corn Chowder is here!” wtaf?

Every celebrity you loved in the 90s and 00s is now a sexual predator, a TERF, or a Trump supporter. No exceptions.