nina la poubelle @mxbees@mastodon.social

i'm suddenly realizing that maybe it isn't the case that i want to abandon social media entirely. but rather that i'm simply tired of the platforms i've been using. which yeah. isn't surprising. this also reminds me that i need to write another letter....

honestly all they really had to do was clone whatsapp toss in SMS support (a la imessages) and they'd have us all. but no. instead they had to be facebook. the land where inovation goes to die. and they stay alive by sheer virtue of the network effect.

they already have the users. if they just but made a messenger experience that ppl enjoyed, everyone would be using it. they own whatsapp too! so its not like they don't have *some* idea what ppl like from a messenger app. and yet. AND YET.

they are closer than any other tech company to having the One True Messenger that will, in the darkness, unite us all. except that they hate usability and so.... they just aren't. and u can tell that they aren't because they already aren't.

like. trying to send messages and communicate with ppl is the last place i want to see cluttered up with fucking garbage. and the app is also just... messy. i cant tell which conversations i'm actually having and which are facebook's bullshit notifications. like. ur *so close* and yet so far.

its funny seeing that facebook now has a messanger webapp and is trying to like. be the Thing. whats funny is that it is the closest thing i have to a messanger client that everyone i know uses (or is on at least). and i'd use it. if they didn't show me fucking ads in the android client.

and of course they make a movie out of one of the ya gay books i didn't finish bc i thought the plot was creepy.

i wonder. u know how in movies there is always some message that vengeance/revenge is this thing that will ultimately destroy u. except... does it? sure it happens in fiction. i dont think i've met someone who was hyper-focused on revenge. is there any evidence of these claims by fiction?

bleeeh. my vision has been super blurry and the way that this happened (relatively quickly) is probably best explained as a med side effect. but no less than *four* of my meds have 'blurred vision' as a side effect. and three say to contact my doctor immediately if i have blurred vision. so now i'm like.... ????

i've basically stopped using any and all social media. i cant remember the last time i either logged into facebook or tumblr. my twitter tab is closed. but i still have this tab open, for whatever reason. a sign to commit myself to here?

its really annoying how many books disappear from amazon search results when looking for gay werewolves if you filter for mpreg

gross. its raining now. i'm definitely not going out for bras. even if once i'm on the bus i won't actually need to go outside to access the store.

i think i'm going to fail to go bra shopping again. i'm all ready to go but i feel so sleepy

i love the aesthetics of long nails i just have so much trouble typing with them

to an extent, this demonstrates the truly false sense of security that attempting to go 'stealth' bestows on you. bc no matter what you do at the end of the day ur just a man in a dress. a chick with a dick.

and like they remain so gender affirming. enough so that i feel able to move about the world in ways that i haven't been able to since i ~transitioned~. even as i'm coming to a place where i realize that even at my most femme, i wasn't fooling anyone. at least no one who's ever heard me speak. but i imagine few others as well.

which is interesting to me bc getting tattoed on visible places was the first step in my 'transition'. like. i changed my name on twitter and other social media on the same day that i got the first tattoo on my left forearm. since the beginning this has been an intensly spiritual/cultural experience for me.

even on the hottest days of summer i'd try to at least wear a shawl so that i could cover up my upper arms (bc despite it being like 6 years since i lifted weights, my arms still have definition and are beefy). but now? i just go out. and its fine. for both my facial and arm tattoos, they really do seem to become armor of a sorts.

i find it interesting the impact of my recent tattoos on my overall self-image/sense of security/something. like. since getting the tattoo on my face/head i've been much more willing to go about in public without my hood up. and since i started the sleeve on my right arm and got something done on my left upper arm, i don't feel like i have to hide my beefy arms.

omg. i accidentally deleted my sources.list and was freaking out. fortunately, i figured it out and now everything is ok.