Pierce Nichols @nocleverhandle@mastodon.social

Protip:

When designing a user interface, imagine some old woman using it, say Margaret Hamilton, and she's clicking your app's buttons and saying to you, as old people do,

"Young whippersnapper, when I was your age, I sent 24 people to the ACTUAL MOON with my software in 4K of RAM and here I am clicking your button and it takes ten seconds to load a 50 megabyte video ad and then it crashes

I'm not even ANGRY with you, I'm just disappointed."

Black: *Walks into room, whistling obnoxiously and looking very smug*

White: "Uh, excuse me, I though we all agreed to follow a dress code. Go put a shirt on. Also, what is that sticking out of your chest?"

Red: *Takes off shirt, blows a raspberry at White."

White: "Very mature, Red."

Green: *Peering intently at Black* "...Is that a zombified hand sticking out of your chest!?"

Black, even smugger than before: "So what if it is?"

Green and White, in unison: "Dude, that's fucked up."

Black: "I'm sorry you think that. It must be very trying for you."

Green: "why would you do that to yourself?"

White: "Also, I'm pretty sure this violates our rule about visible necromancy in the common spaces."

Black: "So you think your rules are more important than my life? Typical."

Green: "No, seriously, why would you do that to yourself? What the fuck, Black?"

Black: "I had a close call with a demon and needed something to keep my heart beating."

Blue, not even looking up from their book: "Not the solution I would have chosen, but I guess it works."

White: "You mean you made a deal with a demon and it went badly for you, and now you're trying to squirrel your way out of the consequences."

Green: "Please don't insult squirrels by associating them with Black. Black, can you find a solution that doesn;t make us all look at the rotten severed hand protruding from your ribcage? Like, maybe putting a shirt on?"

Black, disdainfully: "I could..."

Green: "Will you? Please?"

Black: "Why should I? I rather like this look. I might even go for some more severed hands protruding from my body, just for artistic purposes."

White: "See, now thats a violation of the rule about deliberately trying to wind each other up."

Green: "Dude, don;t be an asshole. We all need to live in this world together. We should try and get along. And deliberately making everyone else look at your disgusting perversions of the natural order is not trying to get along."

Black: "If you want me to do something, you should make it worth my while. What's it worth to you?"

White: "Dude, constantly trying to extort advantages from us is no way to live. If we all did that, this place would be miserable for everyone, you included."

Black: "Well maybe if you weren't constantly trying to strangle me with rules and regulations, I wouldn't have to extort you."

Red: "Yeah you tell him Black! Fuck the police!" *Tears off pants throw's them at White*

Green: "Look, I think white goes a little overboard with all that too, but you have to consider other people."

Black: "The fuck I do, you goddamn hippy. I didn't spend eons struggling and amassing vast power so some treehugger could tell me how I needed to respect others! I worked hard for this power and I'll use it as I please."

White: "Typical behavior. See, this is why we need rules."

Red, shouting at the top of their lungs: "FUCK YOUR RULES! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO-"

Blue: *Locks everyone else in a stasis field, goes back to reading their book* "Ahhhh, much better."